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The internal battle wages. Desperate for Jesus one minute, like Judas the next.<\/p>\n
Why can’t I serve the One who gave His very life?<\/p>\n
Sometimes I think I’m ever learning, and never coming to the knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 3:7<\/a>)<\/p>\n I tremble at the thought of having a form of godliness but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:5<\/a>) Those are scary verses and so is this blog post<\/a> written by a wise, young woman, the daughter of missionary friends in Guatemala.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n I have been wrestling, after a difficult discussion<\/a> with a black Hebrew Israelite the other day.<\/p>\n I realized where I’m at and how ill-equipped I am.<\/p>\n I examined myself and came to the conclusion, Jesus isn’t enough.<\/p>\n For if He was enough, I wouldn’t have other affections competing with Him.<\/p>\n These subtle or obvious distractions taking me away from my first love.<\/p>\n Why does this happen?<\/p>\n Am I being deceived or believing a lie?<\/p>\n Why isn’t Jesus enough?<\/p>\n When I say I love Him, what does that mean?<\/p>\n I seem to read the Bible out of rote.<\/p>\n When I read, it’s like a science fiction movie.<\/p>\n The Bible seems outlandish and unreal.<\/p>\n I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I don’t doubt this.<\/p>\n However, if I’m honest, I have trouble believing everything I read. I guess because it seems so out there.<\/p>\n I make myself read every day. I pray and ask the Lord to open my spiritual eyes of understanding. To make it real and personal, but it hasn’t happened yet.<\/p>\n So when I encountered that man the other day, I wasn’t prepared or able to do what the Jehovah Witnesses did.<\/p>\n It even goes deeper than this, there are times I have a crisis of faith, and don’t know what I believe anymore.<\/p>\n No, I won’t walk away from Jesus again, I’ve done that too many times, by exploring other religions which got me nowhere.<\/p>\n Sadly though, I live as if Jesus isn’t enough. For I am still trying to fill the void, with everything else but Him.<\/p>\n It comes down to this, I force myself to read the Bible every day, but I don’t get it, neither do I enjoy it.<\/p>\n Yes, on occasion, I will come across a verse that speaks to me, but there isn’t some profound revelation that changes my life.<\/p>\n I still have the same habits, the same fears, the same distrust, the same lack of faith; nothing’s changed. I’ve just learned to hide it or mask it better.<\/p>\n The Word does not become alive to me, which is why I’ve chased after other gods.<\/p>\n My story is a long one.<\/p>\n I’ve been in this struggle for years now which is probably why I’ve walked away so many times.<\/p>\n If I don’t love the Word, then how can I call myself a Christian?<\/p>\n I love Jesus, I guess to the capacity I am able.<\/p>\n But, you can’t manufacture something you don’t have. Just like you can’t make yourself fall in love.<\/p>\n Love is more than a four letter word we say. I can say I love Jesus, but at the end of the day, what does that really mean?<\/p>\n How is my love for Him showing up in my every day life? When something unfair or unjust happens? When someone wrongs me? How I treat others?<\/p>\n The reason why I find the bible dull is due to my own lack of understanding resulting from a hard heart.<\/p>\n The Bible says God shall not be mocked. (Galatians 6:7<\/a>)<\/p>\n He will not unravel, unlock or unleash His mysteries to just anyone.<\/p>\n Only those who seek Him like hidden treasure and put Him first above all else. (Matthew 13:44<\/a> and Matthew 6:33<\/a>)<\/p>\n Do you struggle reading and understanding the Bible? Do you enjoy reading the Bible? What did you do to begin to enjoy it? How has reading the Bible changed your life?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What is this constant gnawing of discontent and dissatisfaction? What is it that propels me to search and chase after other gods? Why do I continue with cheap substitutes to fill the void? Why isn’t Jesus enough? The internal battle wages. Desperate for Jesus one minute, like Judas the next. Why can’t I serve the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[10,8,7,93],"tags":[568,1222,328,569,50,570,571],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2169"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2194,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2169\/revisions\/2194"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ordinaryservant.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
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