Deny The Lie: You’re a Hippo!

By Ordinary Servant | Published August 10, 2012

I struggled with my weight all my life. I have this love/hate relationship with my body. Presently, I’m at my highest weight ever.  God bless my husband though, he still tells me I’m beautiful.  But I don’t feel very beautiful.  I feel fat and I am fat.

I remember the first time I felt shame connected with my weight.  It was at a beach. I must have been about maybe eight or nine years old. I had just gotten stung in the eye by a jelly fish and was crying. I was in my bathing suit and I vividly remember children laughing at me because of my weight.

The curse of being a chubby has haunted me my entire life. I guess I can blame it on genetics. We all inherited a slow metabolism. Plus, everyone in my family loves to cook and eat.

I remember kids making fun of me all the time because of my weight.  They called me wheelie tripe (whatever that is), peel a potato and last but not least, a hippo.

I’ve got a better one for you.  One day when I was about thirteen years of age, I was hanging out with my attractive, thin girlfriend and her guy friends. We were all chatting and listening to a song by one of my favorite bands growing up, Foreigner.

Out of the blue, one of her guy friends decides to tell me I’m bigger than a mack truck!  Can you believe it?  Out of nowhere this dude decides to say I’m bigger than a mack truck.  Meanwhile, I wasn’t.  However, those words have been forever etched in my memory, never to be forgotten.

However, what I believe really took things over the edge for me was when I fell inlove for the first time. It was puppy love, but I really digged this boy. All summer long we hung out and then when school started, he completely ignored me as if I didn’t exist.  I was devastated.

So I went over to him and asked if I could speak to him privately.  He reluctantly agreed.  We went into some hallway and I asked him why he was ignoring me.  He tells me I should jog around the block a couple times and lose some weight. This was his ingenious and thoughtful response.

Basically, I was cramping his style because I wasn’t cool enough to be seen with him.  Well, that just did it for me.

Unfortunately, those memories still haunt me today.  I believed all the lies and it has leaked into everything I do.

However, I’ve been working on denying the lie, which is why I decided to be a part of Jennifer Luitweiler’s “Deny the Lie” blog link-up.

It’s time to deny the lies.  What about you? What lies have you been believing about yourself ?

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section.

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  • http://www.embodyheart.org/ embodyheart

    It seems like everyone has something(s) they feel ashamed about. If it isn’t weight, it’s something else just as big for that person. I hear you about these childhood hurts. So here’s just an idea. What if you decide that now, you don’t have to live holding onto that story? What if you just say, okay, that happened but I can put it down now. You don’t have to clutch onto the pain any more. You can move on to the beautiful life and you of now. How’s about it, sistah? Amazing opportunity lies waiting for you.

    • http://inhisloveministries.blogspot.com/ Pilar Arsenec

      Thanks for sharing, Katie.

  • http://www.danapittman.com/ Dana Pittman

    Hard questions. So, I’d dodge them. :o ) And say to you instead, what a way to come back. Look it in the face and say is that your best shot. ;o)

    • http://www.ordinaryservant.com/ Pilar Arsenec

      Amen sis, :)

  • http://jenniferluitwieler.com/ Jennifer Luitwieler

    Pilar! This breaks my heart. No one should have that much power, and yet they do. All these times you were labeled and shamed are still weight you carry around and I hate that for you. You are more than a number on a scale.

    • http://www.ordinaryservant.com/ Pilar Arsenec

      Thank you, Jennifer. Truth is, I still struggle with these voices. The whole body image and identity thing is a difficult cycle to break. Thank you for initiating this, it was a blessing to be a part of it. Hugs and love, P.

  • http://twitter.com/lutheranish Heather

    What an honest story. Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable. No matter what anyone tells you, you are a beloved child of God. I am so happy you have decided to break free and deny the lie(s). Peace!

    • http://www.ordinaryservant.com/ Pilar Arsenec

      Hi Heather, sorry to not have responded sooner to your comment. I just saw it now. Thank you so much. It’s a battle each day, but by the grace of God, I will get there. Blessings to you friend.