Tag Archives: Relationships
Don’t Go To Bed Angry: Stay Up and Fight by Deb & Ron DeArmond
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Abingdon Press
Price: $14.99
Purchase: Amazon | CBD | BN
Description
We’ve all been there. He doesn’t understand what she’s really upset about. He thinks she blows things out of proportion. Neither of you can agree on the right course of action. In every marriage, there is conflict. And with every conflict, there is a choice for resolution. Will you ignore the issue until it seemingly goes away? Or will you work together to find peace?
In Don’t Go to Bed Angry, Deb and Ron DeArmond give you permission to fight. Marriage is worth fighting for. Conflict isn’t the problem, after all; the real issue is how we deal with the conflict. Combining a healthy dose of personal experience with relationship-affirming biblical wisdom, Deb and Ron demonstrate how communication through conflict can lead to greater insight and understanding of thoughts, feelings, and perspectives that can safeguard–and even strengthen–your relationship. Immensely practical features including worksheets, discussion questions, callouts, and prayers make this a definitive go-to resource to help you start fighting–together–for your marriage.
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Review
Wow! I have read books on marriage, and I have to say, this book takes the cake. There is so much to like about it. Seriously. You would think for a short book, it wouldn’t contain so much relevant information, but it does and then some.
The main premise of this book is how to communicate in a marriage and tools on how to resolve conflict effectively. I honestly wish this book existed before I married my husband thirteen years ago. I pretty much did everything this book advises against.
I have gotten into conversations with friends about how there isn’t a guidebook on what to do when you get married. Here you have two people coming together, from different worlds, upbringings, and communication styles. You know the saying, the “honeymoon is over?” Well, when you start living with your spouse, stuff starts coming up and if you don’t know how to fight fairly, or resolve conflict, you are going to find yourself in a very precarious situation. Don’t God To Bed Angry can help as it is a guidebook on how to do marriage successfully.
So, for any of you who are thinking of getting married or are married, I highly, and I mean HIGHLY, recommend this book. It doesn’t matter how many years you have been married, or how many problems you have had, or even if you are at the brink of divorce, you need to get this book. The information contained in this book alone, if practiced and applied, can revolutionize and save your marriage. Guaranteed.
This is by far one of the best marriage books I have read in years. I give five stars, but if I could give it more, I would. I will be referring to this book and recommending it to everyone.
In conclusion, I want to thank authors, Deb and Ron DeArmond for sharing their lives by helping me and other married couples. I also want to thank Abingdon Press for publishing this gem of a book, and last but not least, my Litfuse Publicity Group family for sending me a complimentary copy of this book to review. Thank you, it truly blessed my life.
Deb DeArmond is an author, speaker, and coach with a focus on communication, relationships, and conflict resolution. Her writing explores marriage, parenting, in-law and extended family relationships. She is the author of “Related By Chance, Family By Choice” and “I Choose You Today: 31 Choices to Make Love Last.” Deb is the founder of Living-Write, where she coaches aspiring authors. She’s monthly columnist and feature writer for Lifeway’s “Mature Living” Magazine, and has published more than 120 articles online and in print publications. Ron DeArmond has a hungry heart for the Word, and has studied the Bible for 45+ years. Ron’s call to serve men is evident in his previous ministry positions with Christian Men’s Network under Dr. Edwin Lewis Cole and Faithful Men Ministry. Ron is currently the Associate Pastor of men’s ministry at Catch the Fire/ DFW and has ministered around the world. The DeArmonds live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.
Temporary Fixes
When we’re not getting our needs met the human tendency is to search for a temporary fix. I’m not saying everyone does it, but the majority do. We substitute one thing for another.
We fantasize, run and chase what we believe will fulfill or satisfy us. If you are an artistic person, with a vivid imagination, you will come up with a lot of creative ways.
Courtesy of Creative Commons ~ Bewitched by Paula Ferrary
We tend to build a fortress of lies, believing if we get this one thing, it will be the answer to our happiness.
What I’ve discovered from various and random conversations how dissatisfied people are. Whether it is with their jobs, careers, families and marriages; people are unhappy.
No wonder romance novels, movies and love songs do so well. Deep within us is a longing to be loved. I believe it is deeper than being loved. There is this inner yearning for a real connection. Who doesn’t want a love story with a happy ending?
Unfortunately, there aren’t many happy endings. People are walking around with broken hearts, relationships and marriages. People are losing hope, and settling for temporary fixes to assuage their wounds.
I see a bunch of lonely, disconnected people walking around, having sex, and nothing more. They claim this is all they want, which I can understand. I’ve entertained this kind of thinking, only to realize how empty it is.
There are single people looking at married couples, and secretly envying them, but what they fail to realize is that they are only watching a snapshot in time. Granted, there are those few exceptions of happily ever after couples who still hold hands and kiss at eighty, but they’re rare.
So, for those who are single and dreamingly looking at married couples, thinking they’re blissful; relationships require work. But instead of working, they want easy, they want temporary fixes. They buy into cheap fantasies to fill the void. Hollywood does a good job in feeding us a *feel good* dream, and who doesn’t want to feel good?
However, what feels good, may not necessarily be what is best for us. What we think we need, may not be what want and what we want, may not be what we need.
There are many in dead end marriages who cheat on their spouses thinking that’s the answer in alleviating their misery. Unfortunately, those who do, come out more empty than when they went in.
The answer is not another person, job or thing. People, jobs and things aren’t going to fulfill you because they are only temporary. You must focus on you.
Value who you are and know your worth. Don’t settle for breadcrumbs, when you deserve the main course. Don’t lessen your standards to meet someone else’s expectations. Don’t betray yourself in the midst of trying to please others. Get to know who you are and what you want. When you love, embrace and accept yourself for who you are, you won’t feel the necessity to chase after temporary fixes.
Do you chase after temporary fixes? What has been your experience?
Posted in blogging
Also tagged entertainment, Hollywood, Love songs, Love stories, Marriages, Temporary Fixes
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Is Your Word Bond?
Since the start of the new year, I seem to be getting hit with a reoccurring theme.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
In that, some people use the words loyalty, friendship, and trust loosely. Too loosely, I might add.
I guess I’m old school when it comes to my word. What I say, I do. I am not the type of person to play games with people’s feelings. I don’t just tell people things for the sake of saying them. What you see, is what you get with me.
Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you straight up, I’m a real and loyal person, which makes me a loyal friend. But what I’m realizing, to my dismay, is that not everyone is like this.
My favorite motto is “Actions Speaks Louder Than Words”. This is something I live by.
I have learned early that if someone’s words does not match up with their actions, then you can’t trust them. Trust has to be earned, and if one’s not careful, it can be lost.
Back in the day, the original gangsters lived by a code and loyalty was everything. Nowadays, it’s almost instinct. I think social media has something to do with this.
There is a benefit in dealing with people face to face as opposed to social media. In dealing with people in person, you have the ability to detect where they are coming from and what their true intentions are. You can discern it through their body language or the inflection of their voice. But not so in social media, which why it’s such a slippery slope.
On social media, people can hide behind their keyboards, and paint images of what they would like you to believe. Whereas in person, you can’t do that.
Bottomline, the only way for you to know if someone is telling you the truth, is if their actions are lining up with their words. For example, if someone is promising you something one minute and then ignoring you the next, then you know it was just words. If there are no actions supporting what they told you, then you are wasting your time with this person.
Yes, it’s disappointing when this happens, but at the end of the day, it’s better know the truth, then be strung along and taken for a ride.
This is why I question everything. People don’t like it or feel comfortable with my questions. They say it’s too much. But I’m not going to take what someone tells at face value, especially if their actions are not supporting it. God gave me a brain and I intend to use it. I’m not going to accept “whatever”, especially if I don’t know the person.
When someone says one thing and then does another, that’s called mixed signals, which never promotes trust. It also does not allow for a foundation to be built for any relationship to grow, whether it be on a personal or professional level.
Truth is, your word is bond, and without it, you have nothing.
What do you think has happened to loyalty, trust and friendship today?
Posted in blogging
Also tagged Actions, Actions Speaks Louder Than Words, Deception, Friendships, Games, Lies, Loyalty, Trust, Your Word Bond
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Every Action Has A Reaction
A long time ago, I used to think my actions didn’t effect others. I was single, living in my own world and doing my own thing.
Unfortunately, being single didn’t allow me the ability to see myself clearly. It was when I got married, I was able to see choices, decisions and actions have repercussions and consequences, not only to myself, but to others as well.
Courtesy of Creative Commons – alicemariedesign
This was a huge pill for me to swallow and accept. We go along with our lives when we are alone, thinking we can do whatever we want, say whatever we want and it’s nobody else’s business or concern.
The world is our oyster.
However, this is living in a bubble or fantasy world, which is self-centered and self-absorbed.
The truth is every action has a reaction.
There is no getting around it, whether you are married or single, whether you want to believe it or not, your actions and choices effect everyone around you.
It’s like a pebble hitting the surface of water, you see the ripple effect. The same occurs with us; our choices are like pebbles and our actions cause rippling effects.
This is why we have to be careful to choose wisely because some actions are irreversible. The damaging effects of one wrong choice can destroy more than you bargained for.
For instance, a family member who continually betrays you by speaking negatively about you behind your back with other family members, thinking it will never get back to you.
But it always does, doesn’t it? Some way, somehow, the information finds its way back to the person.
Once this occurs, the damage is done, because you can never look at that family member the same way again. A seed of distrust is planted and with each repetitive instance, the seed of distrust continues to germinate and grow.
Yes, one can forgive and move on, but the trust and respect needed for a good and healthy relationship is broken and lost.
Has this ever been your experience? Can you recall a time when this applied in your life?
Posted in blogging, faith, forgiveness, writing
Also tagged Actions, Distrust, Family, Reactions
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