Tag Archives: Saying Goodbye

It’s Hard To Say Goodbye

Do you find it hard to say goodbye? I do.

Courtesy of Celine Shortie – Flicker CC

Lately, there are so many changes happening, and with those changes, goodbyes.

The changes are occurring on my job and where I live. I’m having to say goodbye to people I have known for a long while.

I’m not good with changes or goodbyes.

In the days ahead, I’m going to have to say goodbye to a number of people I care about, from co-workers to neighbors.

No, I’m not going anywhere, they are. I’m happy for them, but sad for me.

Change always unsettles me, it challenges my stability. It makes me feel insecure. Especially when I am unaware of what’s to come, the unknown.

There are times when we are forced to say goodbye to people we care about, whether it is for our own mental/emotional health or the inevitable, death.

Those final goodbyes are the hardest.

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2013 has been riddled with change and goodbyes. I’m trying hard to cope, but deep down, I am preoccupied with it all and what’s to come.

I realize we have no control over what the future holds, we only have today, the moment. But in times like this, I seem to allow the moment to be robbed by worry and anxiety.

I know this is something I personally struggle with.

When something is good, I don’t want it to change. I want it to stay the same forever.

There are some that say change is good. I wish I had that perspective. I would get up every morning embracing the day without fear or reservation.

Unfortunately, that’s not how I get up every day. I get up to a torrent of worry. This is my reality, my personal nightmare. With so much change and upheavel, it’s really challenging me in ways I didn’t think possible.

Perhaps in the end, it will all be for the best. Hopefully this upheaval of change will stretch my character and hopefully, my faith. Only time will tell.

How do you handle changes or saying goodbye? Is this something you struggle with too?

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Finding Your Voice

This week was difficult. I was yet again faced with a choice, either to accept abuse or not.

You see, it would have been easier if it was a stranger, but it’s someone I love very much.

As many of you know, I am 46 years of age. I don’t act like it, I don’t look like it, but I am.

Those 46 years manifests itself through life experience.  At 26, I wouldn’t have made the decision I made this week. I would have just accepted it and continue to tolerate it.

I accepted toxic relationships and abuse. I didn’t know any better, or maybe I did, but I just didn’t know how to go about setting boundaries.  I didn’t find my voice.

Courtesy of Creative Commons

I accepted things, I made excuses and justifications for the abuse and utter disrespect, for years.

When you are subject to abuse, it starts to look normal to you. You start to think this is how life is and you settle.

However, there is a fighter in me.

Despite the put downs, disrespect, name calling, being hit, cursed and spit at, abused in every sense of the word… deep down, I knew it was wrong. I knew I didn’t deserve it. I just knew.

When I was a child, a teenager and even in my twenties, I didn’t have a voice. I was on coping mode. I was trying to make sense out of things that made no sense. I was trying to survive.

I was surviving for years, but not living. I was just trying to get from one day to the next. In a dark, dismal and lonely world. I didn’t feel loved or love.

Thanks to God, I came a long way from those days, but this week I was brutally reminded of it. I was faced again with a choice, do I just go along and accept it? Or do I say no?

As much as it hurt me, I said no. I cut ties with this person I love. I am not angry. I am not harboring resentment or unforgiveness. I simply said no.  I can love this person from afar and pray for them.

I no longer have to accept or be subject to anyone’s abuse; whether it be family, friends, associates or strangers.

I found my voice.

Have you found yours?

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