Category Archives: blogging
Be Original
This generation seems focused on being someone other than themselves. I don’t know if it’s movies, music, social media or all of the above. But people want to be someone they aren’t, instead of being original.
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Yes, I am aware of the fact that there is a risk involved in being “yourself”. But why would anyone want to be a carbon copy of someone else?
God created us in His own image. He knit us in our mother’s womb. He made us an original, not a duplicate. There is no other human being on earth like us. That’s powerful.
But, instead of basking in this truth, we try to emulate others.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve struggled with this in certain respects. In that, I was always different. So I struggled with wanting to fit in and be like everyone else, so I wouldn’t stand out.
However, now that I’m older, I see that God didn’t create me to fit in or be like everyone else. He made me different for a reason. He created me to be exactly the way I am, an original.
Artists don’t look at the world around them in the same way as others, which makes them creative. We have our own slant on things, which makes us unique.
There is beauty in uniqueness, and in not being like others. Originality and creativity are attractive qualities to possess. But it takes courage to allow ourselves to be who we truly are.
Think about it? What would it be like if every butterfly you saw looked exactly the same? Wouldn’t that be boring?
Well, the same goes for humans; variety makes life interesting and diverse.
We need to embrace ourselves, and even accept our imperfections, because even our imperfections are unique and original.
Part of living on earth is discovering who we are, what our divine calling, destiny and purpose is. So as we are in the discovery phase, we should allow ourselves to express our unique flair or signature in whatever we do.
We can’t look at what others are doing better than us or more successfully. We have to focus in on honing our own skills, gifts, talents, and all of which encompasses who we are. The discovery process won’t happen if we are too busy comparing ourselves to others around us.
Everyone has their own lane. Take the time to discover yours and be original.
Do you struggle with being you? Do you find yourself becoming discouraged because you compare yourself to others and how well they are doing in comparison to you?
The Stigma of Shame
I have been doing a study on shame. It’s been something I have been avoiding to delve into for quite some time. Why? Well, who really wants to start digging up old doo-doo.
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Shame is one of those things you would rather just hide, ignore or bury, than have to face or look at. Shame is much more pervasive than guilt.
The stigma of shame is something humanity struggles with, if some realize it or not. We all mask it differently. God forbid we feel naked or exposed… that will only bring about more feelings of shame.
Some people think it is guilt they are feeling or struggling with, when in actuality it is shame. Shame is deeper and stems from messages you were told as a child. Shame is connected with self loathing and disgust of one self.
Those who have suffered from sexual abuse, carry the stigma of shame in its most palatable form.
So what do we do once we know that shame is pretty much controlling and navigating our existence? Well, we delve right into the abyss and unravel its mysteries.
There is a passage of Scripture that I always identified with, the story of the man with a withered hand. (Mark 3:3) This man walked around hiding his hand, until Jesus who had compassion, healed him on the Sabbath. He told him to stretch forth his hand and he was instantly healed.
Sometimes we have to risk exposure in order to heal. Yes, it is humiliating at first, just as it was for the man with the shriveled hand. He had to expose it in front of everyone in the Synagogue. He had to demonstrate courage to overcome his shame and allow Jesus to heal him.
It’s sort of like the pus of an infection, if you keep covering it, it will only get worse. You have to expose and clean it, in order for it to heal. Same applies to the inner infection of shame.
If you struggle with shame, know that you aren’t alone. If you desire to heal, then you must be willing to risk and face the Goliath in your life. Once you do, you will experience freedom. This is something I’m striving for and want in my life.
Do you struggle from shame? When was your earliest recollection?
Do You Feel Empty?
Are you thirsting for something more? Is there an ache in your soul? A restlessness? A sense of something missing?
I have read the Bible and there is much to be gleaned from it, but the one thing that always stands out for me is how Jesus treated women.
Like the Samaritan woman at the well, for instance. Jesus asked her for a drink of water. She responded “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.) Jesus didn’t allow social customs or barriers to stop him.
What comes after astounds me. Please read it for yourself:
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
“I have no husband,” she replied.
Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” (John 4)
Jesus did not judge her. He did not criticize her. He did not throw anything in her face or use what He knew against her.
Here is another example, the woman caught in adultery.
At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.
But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.
At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
“No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” (John 8)
Again, Jesus did not judge or condemn her. Time and time again, I see Jesus’ unfathomable love and compassion poured out to women.
It comforts me to know, that no matter how sinful, dirty, broken and bruised we are… we can always come to Him and He won’t reject us.
If we lived in this world long enough, we are broken in some way. We have a void. We are all chasing after something, thinking that it will somehow satisfy us or fill the emptiness in our hearts. But, it never does.
I’m not religious. I believe in Jesus. I believe He died for sinful me. I believe He loves me when I don’t even know how to love myself. My faith in Him is what has gotten me through every crazy storm in my life. If it wasn’t for His grace and unconditional love, I don’t know where I would be today.
I don’t have the answers, but this I know… nothing and no one in this life will satisfy your inner longings. You can chase for an entire lifetime, thinking success, money, fame, etc… will fill the emptiness. But only God has the ability to do that.
Do you feel like you have been chasing after things because you feel like something is missing in your life?
What Is Love?
Yesterday I was having an impromptu discussion about love. It started out light and then morphed into something deeper.
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We went from discussing booty calls, to the value of women, not consisting of what’s between her legs. Which of course, I happen to agree with. But I am also aware of some realities. In that, I don’t see marriages lasting. Christian or otherwise.
I believe the cause of this is a number of factors. For one, people come into relationships with their baggage and issues. I mean, let’s face it, we all have issues. And if anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying.
How do these issues come about? The answer is childhood. Whether we choose to admit it or not, whatever we were exposed to as children is what we will mirror in our adult life.
Let’s take me for example. My earliest recollection was handing my parents each a piece of toilet paper. Tears were rolling down each of their faces. I must have been about 5 or 6 years old. I remember the longing of wanting to help them feel better.
Truth be told, all they did was fight, every day, for years. This was my introduction to relationships and marriage.
I remember sitting with my friends in high school. We were eating lunch and they were talking about how they wanted to get married and have children. I was the only one who didn’t want that. All I knew was that marriage equaled misery and unhappiness.
Since then, I’ve been in several romantic relationships and married twice. In retrospect, I think it would have been best for me not to get married at all.
Reason being, if you don’t work on your issues, you will either attract the wrong person or mess up a good one.
I can write a book on my relationships alone. The stuff I went through, would make your head spin. I don’t know how I’m standing today in my semi-right mind. But it must be the grace of God.
Yes, I’ve survived, but there are scars that tell the tale. You know the expression, “If I knew then, what I know now…” Well, I’m living this reality. If only I knew then, what I know now, I would have made different choices.
The damage of some choices are irreparable. As much as you would like for things to be different, or change what is, you can’t.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that based on my past and choices, I’m damaged. I am unable to truly love, and allow someone in. My trust level was destroyed years ago. I care and have compassion, but based on the damage I’ve experienced in my life, I’m incapable of truly loving anyone, except for my kids.
What are your thoughts on love, relationships and marriage? Has the affects of your childhood framed your relationships for good or bad?
I Was Once A Muslim
I am not sure if you knew I was once a Muslim. Yeah, it’s a long story. Perhaps one day I’ll write about it. But for now, I want to focus on tolerance or the lack thereof.
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I went to Egypt, in June following 9/11. I was there for about three weeks. I went alone and rented a spacious loft, overlooking central Egypt.
I thought Bombay had a lot of traffic, but Egypt took it to another level.
I’ve always been a seeker of truth. I had been a Christian and decided to explore Islam. I was in contact with a young, intelligent Muslim zealot, who convinced me to come to Egypt. I’m always down for an adventure. So I booked a flight and head over there. I didn’t even know what the dude looked like. I know, I was crazy, but what else is new.
I arrived to a crowded, hot, and busy Cairo airport. I didn’t speak the language. I stood in what looked like the center of chaos. It was overwhelming. I had to pull myself together and figure things out quickly.
When I exited the airport, he was waiting there with his mother. The first thing I noticed was how tall he was. Egyptians are tall.
We introduced ourselves. I fell in love with his mother immediately. She was by far the sweetest woman on earth. They drove me to where I would be staying for the next three weeks. Then the fun began.
I was driven here and there, meeting with so many powerful leaders. Yeah, little ole me. I was able to ask all sorts of questions and I learned a lot. The one thing I loved was their sense of community. I never saw that in Christian circles. They all helped one another and they showed me nothing but love.
I wept when I had to return to New York City. I didn’t want to leave. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was part of something meaningful. They demonstrated unconditional love that I didn’t experience. They will always hold a dear and special place in my heart until the day I die.
When I returned to New York City, I wore a hijab, which resulted in my getting spit at, cursed at, and accused of being a suicide bomber.
For the short duration, I experienced what it is like to be a Muslim in America. In a city, which is a known for its tolerance, or so I thought. I learned otherwise.
I learned more than I thought I would ever learn. I was able to identify what Muslim women go through and what they continue to go through today.
It saddens me, between the racism and religious intolerance in this country, we haven’t gotten very far at all. Jesus said, we must love our neighbor. This means, even if they believe differently than you.
Have you been the victim of intolerance? What did you do? How did you handle it?
Chasing After Fantasies
What provokes us to look outside of ourselves to fill the void? Is it an unfulfilled longing? An insatiable need? Past hurts? Lost dreams? Lack of love or intimacy? What makes us chase after fantasies?
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Perhaps it’s something you want so badly, you are willing to risk everything for it? But when you do, you discover, it was only a fantasy.
Like a thirsty man walking in a hot desert who falsely sees water. He musters every last bit of energy he has and runs toward it, only to discover it was a mirage.
We are like this thirsty man, only that, we are not chasing after water. We are chasing after things, dreams, success, fame, money, power, sex, love, intimacy, you fill in the blank.
We are all on a pilgrimage sojourning this earth. Each trying to discover who and what they are. Some seek it through religion, others through relationships, or careers, etc…
But the bottomline is this, we are all seeking to fill that insatiable void… with things that will never truly satisfy us. It’s only a temporary bandaid to a deeper issue.
We run and chase after things, relationships, sex, whatever. And we somehow convince ourselves that this is the answer or solution to our problem. But it isn’t.
Some repeat the cycle, until they finally reach the conclusion they’ve had enough and that none of what they are doing, is actually bringing them any happiness or fulfillment, but pain.
This chasing isn’t beneficial, and only results in more loss, disappointment and hurt. When will we learn this isn’t the solution? How many mistakes will we need to make in order to stop the cycle and arrive at a proper conclusion?
I wish I had the answers, only God knows. I will say this though, every mistake we make is not meant to destroy us, but to teach us a lesson. However, when we keep repeating the same mistakes over again, we have to ask ourselves why? We need the courage to dig deep within ourselves and face the truth.
The way to overcome things in this life is by facing them; not by avoiding, escaping or chasing after fantasies. We need to keep it real with ourselves. If something is not right, instead of running from it, pray and ask God to show you the root cause of the issue, so you can break the cycle and heal.
If not, you will continue to chase after fantasies under the guise of believing it will bring you everything you’ve ever wanted or desired, when in actuality, it will only leave you feeling more empty.
Have you been chasing fantasies lately?
Is Your Word Bond?
Since the start of the new year, I seem to be getting hit with a reoccurring theme.
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In that, some people use the words loyalty, friendship, and trust loosely. Too loosely, I might add.
I guess I’m old school when it comes to my word. What I say, I do. I am not the type of person to play games with people’s feelings. I don’t just tell people things for the sake of saying them. What you see, is what you get with me.
Ask anyone who knows me, and they’ll tell you straight up, I’m a real and loyal person, which makes me a loyal friend. But what I’m realizing, to my dismay, is that not everyone is like this.
My favorite motto is “Actions Speaks Louder Than Words”. This is something I live by.
I have learned early that if someone’s words does not match up with their actions, then you can’t trust them. Trust has to be earned, and if one’s not careful, it can be lost.
Back in the day, the original gangsters lived by a code and loyalty was everything. Nowadays, it’s almost instinct. I think social media has something to do with this.
There is a benefit in dealing with people face to face as opposed to social media. In dealing with people in person, you have the ability to detect where they are coming from and what their true intentions are. You can discern it through their body language or the inflection of their voice. But not so in social media, which why it’s such a slippery slope.
On social media, people can hide behind their keyboards, and paint images of what they would like you to believe. Whereas in person, you can’t do that.
Bottomline, the only way for you to know if someone is telling you the truth, is if their actions are lining up with their words. For example, if someone is promising you something one minute and then ignoring you the next, then you know it was just words. If there are no actions supporting what they told you, then you are wasting your time with this person.
Yes, it’s disappointing when this happens, but at the end of the day, it’s better know the truth, then be strung along and taken for a ride.
This is why I question everything. People don’t like it or feel comfortable with my questions. They say it’s too much. But I’m not going to take what someone tells at face value, especially if their actions are not supporting it. God gave me a brain and I intend to use it. I’m not going to accept “whatever”, especially if I don’t know the person.
When someone says one thing and then does another, that’s called mixed signals, which never promotes trust. It also does not allow for a foundation to be built for any relationship to grow, whether it be on a personal or professional level.
Truth is, your word is bond, and without it, you have nothing.
What do you think has happened to loyalty, trust and friendship today?
A Public Announcement
I wanted to make a public announcement to all my subscribers and readers…
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When I first began this blog, I was mainly focussed on reviewing Christian genre books. However, as time passed, I started reading and reviewing books in other genres.
Based on this new development, I no longer want to limit this blog to one genre. I decided to expand and include other books and genres that pique my interest.
As not to mislead or cause confusion to those who are either subscribed, visiting or reading my blog, I had my web designer remove the word “Christian” from the title of my blog.
This is not to say I won’t ever be reviewing Christian books again. It only suggests my desire to include other genres and not limit it to only Christian titles.
I want to take this opportunity to thank you for following my blog and for your continued support in this transition.
It’s Ok To Be Different
I’ve been evaluating my life, my choices, and what lead me to where I am today. I’ve recently come to the conclusion that many of my choices were poor ones. Especially when it came to relationships.
There seems to be a constant theme of being misunderstood and the tendency to blame myself for it.
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However, what I’ve discovered is that there has been way too many times in my life I’ve assumed responsibility for things that had nothing to do with me.
The burden of being “different” carried a stigma throughout my life. I have walked around thinking I was the worst person on earth based on other people’s words and opinions.
For reasons unbeknownst to me, people misinterpret my pure intentions as having some underlying agenda. It appears that people can’t seem to figure me out. They can’t grasp that I’m actually a real and genuine person, who loves to give and does not expect anything in return.
Unfortunately, there are those, for whatever reason, perhaps it’s their background or what they’ve been exposed to in their life, that often misconstrue my genuine intentions. They are unable to see me for who I am. They project whatever it is they’ve gone through with other people on to me. They are unable to see my heart, and value as a human being. Their inner filter is tainted by their own negative experiences, that they are unable to see properly.
Since when did being different, unique, real, genuine or good become a crime?
For those of you reading this, I’m not fake. I am who I say I am. I am a real and genuine person. I don’t do things for others expecting anything in return. There is no underlying or hidden agenda with me. What you see, is what you get.
It’s a sad commentary at this stage of my life, I still feel the need to explain myself.
This is the reason why I’ve gotten so selective in whom I allow in my inner circle. I have learned that you have to choose wisely, because not everyone has your best interest in mind. Nor is everyone going to be able to value and appreciate who you are. Some people lack vision based on their own hangups which has nothing to do with you.
It’s important to choose your associations carefully. If you are around people who constantly bring you down, criticize or judge you, talk behind your back, create unnecessary drama, and falsely accuse you, it’s best to keep it moving. There is no reason to be around people who will not encourage or bring out the best in you.
Don’t waste your time, energy and precious life on anyone who doesn’t value, accept and appreciate you. It’s better to have one true and good friend, than many who smile in your face and stab you in your back. This includes family too.
Have you been misunderstood or falsely accused in your life? How did you handle it?
Free Your Mind
Happy New Year! I started my new year with a bang. I posted a question on social media and little did I know it was going to spark such contraversy.
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One thing I’ve learned through the years is to keep an open mind. If not, you will always be stuck in your own way of thinking and never know the truth.
Lately, there has been so much controversy and it’s been spilling into everything and causing division. It certainly wasn’t my intention to cause more. I was only asking a question and unfortunately, it spiraled into something else.
Which provoked me to write this:
It seems we all have different life experiences and truths. White people have their truths based on their own life experiences. But so do Blacks and Latinos. I am white, but by the grace of God, I am able to go outside of it and listen to others who do not share in my experiences. I allow myself to learn and hear other people’s points of view and experiences. I am not rigid, nor do not walk around thinking or acting like I know it all either. Because I do not. I have not walked a mile in another person’s shoes to know what life is like for them. We must try to keep an open mind in life.
People seem to translate everything into an “us versus them” mentality. But this shouldn’t be, because it’s a much broader and deeper issue than that.
We are all going to have different views and opinions. Some will be based on life experiences, and others on education. But either way, it will be different. Which is why we must free our minds and allow ourselves to step out of our comfort zones and understand other people’s reality.
For instance, a white person’s experience in life is going to be way different than Black’s or Latinos. White people tend to mention Blacks and Latinos use the “race card” too much. But I beg to differ. As they truly live a different experience than white people. White people don’t know anything about this because they have never experienced it for themselves.
The reason why I know about it, is because I am fortunate to have many Black and Latino friends. I’ll even take it a step further, I married into a Black and Latino family. So I’m privy to a lot of things that ordinary white people are not aware of.
I try my best to communicate, impart and share information to educate and open the minds up of those who refuse to see beyond the scope of their own understanding or experience.
No, I do no subscribe to the fact that all cops are bad. However, I’m also not walking around believing that they are all good either. The fact of the matter is, there are a multitude of corrupt cops. Some people have a hard time believing this and get defensive. But if they would only stop and do some research, they will see this truth for themselves.
The fact is we live in a fallen world. Human beings are susceptible to various temptations. There are no perfect people walking around who are exempt from committing crimes or acts of corruption. The Bible says, we have a sin nature and it’s very easy to fall prey to things. Which is why I’m a big advocate for not judging people.
My hope is that we can respectfully agree to disagree, and try to keep an open mind in life. My life is not going to be like someone else’s life or vice versa.
For instance, people love to judge drug dealers, making them all out to be the scum of the earth and the cause of why society is the way it is. Again, if they do their research, they will understand that our government is involved in allowing drugs into this country. Drug dealers are not putting a gun to anyone’s head to purchase or consume it. So, to put the entire responsibility on drug dealers is wrong.
Again, I beseech you to keep an open mind. Don’t believe the media or everything you read. Do your research and find out the truth for yourself. Yes, the truth may disappoint you, but wouldn’t you rather know the truth, than believe a lie?
Please don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone to understand another person’s truth, experience and reality.
Are you willing to keep an open mind, step outside of yourself and not subscribe to the herd mentality?
No One Is Born A Racist
Recently, our country has been so divided. Racism is alive and well. But no one is born a racist.
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Racism is taught and a learned behavior. I am thankful that even though I grew up around it, I did not allow it to influence me. I touched on this in my previous post.
Children are taught to fear other races and cultures that are different from their own. But a child doesn’t know the difference.
Despite being taught to stay within my own demographic, I wasn’t able to. I was attracted and gravitated to the black community early on.
As a child, my family planned trips to Sunken Meadow Park. We would first go to the picnic area and have breakfast. Afterwards, we headed over to the beach area. I loved staying in the water for hours, to the point my hands were wrinkled, and my body, sunburned.
I remember there were a group of black kids playing in the water. They were all laughing and enjoying themselves. They were vivacious, fun and energetic. I was attracted to their vibe, and started playing with them. We all had a blast.
I remember going back to where my family was to get something to drink. I immediately got “shade” and remarks. Call it rebellion, defiance or whatever, I did not fold. I went right back and continued playing with my friends.
This was one of many scenarios I faced growing up amongst those who feared the “other”. I wouldn’t have known the difference between white, black, brown or yellow, if I wasn’t taught or subject to it.
Things went up a notch when I became a teenager, the fear and dread of my dating the black and brown boys was too much for them to handle. They tried setting me up with a boy from Spain, who was smart and had a great future. He was on his way to medical school to become a doctor on full scholarship. The dude digged me, but he wasn’t my type.
My grandmother went and bought a beautiful dress for me to wear to his prom. However, they didn’t ask me if I wanted to go to his prom in the first place. They were forcing me to be with him, to try and distract me from the other boys I liked.
It didn’t work. I refused to go to his prom. My grandmother had no choice but to return the beautiful dress she bought me. She was angry at me. She wanted me to be with this guy in the worst way. But, eventually she came around and understood that I had my own taste in men. Eventually, she embraced my boyfriends.
My heart longs for the day when racism and division ceases. My heart aches for my black brothers and sisters who have suffered and continue to suffer at the hands of the white man. Please know I am standing with you in solidarity and protesting against the injustice.
Do you believe we are not born a racist? I would love to hear your thoughts.
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