Wrestling With The In-Between

I am reading this book which is really provoking me. I’m sure you all heard me speak of Jeff Goins. Well, I am reading an advanced copy of his new book called, The In-Between, which is coming out on August 1st.

I just started reading it and can’t put it down. I absolutely love the way Jeff Goins writes. He is never boring. He also exudes wisdom in his writing. He’s an old soul. I also find myself relating to much of what he writes. I’m not going to give it all away because I want you to read and experience it for yourself. I will also be posting a review when I am done.

He is really making me think. The kind of deep, looking at yourself kind of thinking. I find myself stopping, remembering, and making connections in my own life. This is the reason why I follow his blog because not only is it good writing, but he really makes you think and gives you meat to chew on. I aspire to write like him.

I know, I know, I am not really comparing myself to him although I can’t help but admit I truly wish I can write like he does. But then, I wouldn’t be myself, right?

I go through a liturgy within myself of all the reasons why no one would like my writing. Why would anyone bother reading what I write? There are people like Jeff Goins, Chris Brogan, Seth Godin, Steven Pressfield, and Andi Cumbo. I mean, who in the world wants to read what I have to say?

Which is why I totally feel dejected and rejected when someone unfollows or unfriends me. I get repulsed with myself in the sense that I’m being totally self-absorbed and pathetic.

Why do I want to matter so much? Why do I want everyone in the world to like and accept me? What is this thing inside of me that wants me to be like everyone else instead of being myself, being happy with myself and that being good enough?

I mean, for goodness sake, I’m going to be 47 years old. You would think I would grow up already and display some sort of maturity here? I feel like I’m still stuck in high school, trying to be accepted by my peers. To be in the “in” group and part of the cool clique. I believe this may even be called narcissism.

I wrestle within myself; one part of me says, Who cares what people think about you, your writing, or what you have to say? The next minute I’m licking my wounds from someone unfollowing me because they didn’t like what I had to say.

Jeff Goins says, You don’t write for other people; you write for yourself. You don’t write for accolades; you write because you have to. You see? He’s so smart.

In his book, The In-Between, he discusses writing as a calling. I’m trying to figure out if writing is my calling or not. With so many talented writers out there, where do I fit in?

I don’t have the answer, but despite the resistance to write and publish, I will continue… as hard as it is for me… I will try to be brave and courageous as those I mentioned above and not give up.

What about you? Do you go through this as a writer? How do you battle the resistance and the incessant negative voices?

  • hipmamamedia.com

    Thanks for your post, Pilar. This has been a tough writing week for me and I have found myself thinking similar thoughts to yours these last couple of days. It can get discouraging, but I push back by taking a break if that’s what I need, prayer and reflection to nourish my dejected spirit and a reminder that God redeems all our shortcomings and has purpose for us even in the low times. Keep writing and know we all wrestle with this from time to time.

    • I am so sorry you are going through the same. Thank you for your encouragement. I appreciate it. It definitely is a battle.

  • pilar, i’ve spent my entire life trying to fit in and find myself. i’ve always wanted to be liked. it was not until very recently — the past year or so — that i’ve begun to truly embrace the me i am and pursue what i want to pursue — regardless of what others may think otherwise. sure, some people may not like me. but that’s ok.

    that’s not to say i have it all together. i can relate to your questioning about writing. what’s left to say, especially when others are saying it much more eloquently than i am? but jeff’s right when he says writing is about yourself and not others. i do hope others like my words and there’s that deep-seeded desire to be liked and accepted that i hope people read and share and relate to my stuff. but if they don’t, they don’t.

    it’s getting easier, but it’s all a journey. just know that you’re not alone.

    • Thanks, Tim. I really appreciate your comment. This has been a struggle all my life. Since I was a kid actually. Being overweight, being made fun of, then losing weight, trying to fit it, be cool, in the clique, but never quite fitting in because I’m not a follower by nature, so it’s been really difficult to be comfortable in my own skin and accept who I am. This whole love yourself, I went to therapy for years, trying to learn to love myself, but deep down, I don’t really. Oh my, I can write a book solely on my self esteem and insecurity issues. HA! Well, I guess this is why you and I vibe, we understand each other. I’m so thankful to have you for a friend. 🙂

      • well, i wasn’t overweight but i was the quiet nerd who didn’t play sports, so yeah, i didn’t fit in. plus, i’ve spent much of my life doing what i thought i was supposed to do. go to school, get a job, buy a house. not that there hasn’t been adventure and enjoyment, but overall it’s a dull prescription for a life well lived. trying to step out and embrace who i am and what i really want and who i really want to be ain’t easy but the more i push myself, the more i know i’m going in the right direction.

        • This gives me hope, Tim. Thank you for your heart of compassion and kind words. I appreciate your support and encouragement.

  • Jorge Acosta

    I clicked on Jeff Goins’ tweet and read what’s above and I just had to say you are an amazing writer! Your words spoke to my heart and moved me. Thanks! 🙂

    • Wow! Thank you so much. Your kind words encourage me to keep writing.