Tag Archives: Cooking

Redeeming Lost Time

I was speaking with my therapist last week about choices. I was explaining why certain things didn’t happen in my life and what occurred and why it lead me to where I am today. There was a significant amount of loss.

Photo credit: Garen M. | Creative Commons Flickr

The topic came up because I was rehashing what happened in my writing group. I had submitted a piece I had worked on for critique. What usually occurs is everyone gets a turn telling you what they liked or disliked or what worked or didn’t work for them. I struggle with getting critiques because I’ve been criticized for most of my life.

My therapist explained my writing isn’t me. Meaning, they are not critiquing me as a person, they are only critiquing my writing. But I responded that my writing is me.

It’s the same thing when I cook. I like to cook and feed people. When I cook, I cook from my heart. It’s an act of giving. My cooking is an expression of who I am. So, if someone doesn’t like my cooking, I take it personally. Just like I do with my writing.

I gave my therapist a time table of every creative endeavor I’ve pursued since I was a teenager. I had the same issue with each of them. First, it was acting, then fashion design, then singing, and then writing. In that sequence.

I get the fact that we need critiques to improve and grow. However, I can’t help it if I struggle to the point of giving up. I’ve repeated the same pattern throughout the course of my life. I’m tired of this cycle and getting nowhere.

Here I am at 53, and in the same position that I was in my 20’s. It’s kind of sad actually. The Lord gave me creative abilities for a reason and I’ve allowed fear and people’s words to stop me.

My therapist is astute and asked me one simple question. “Are you trying to play catch up and make up for lost time?” I sat there and thought about it, and realized the answer is yes. Now I understand where all this pressure is coming from. I’ve made so many mistakes in the past that now I’m afraid to fail.

I have to remind myself that I wasn’t meant to be perfect in the first place. I can and will make mistakes in my life and writing. I can give myself permission to write crappy, make mistakes, and even fail. Failing isn’t the worst thing that can happen to me or you because that’s when we learn the most and can become better.

This quote by Anne Rice resonated with me this week, “To write something you have to risk making a fool of yourself.” So true.

We have to risk making a fool of ourselves. We are ever evolving as people and as writers. There is always something new to learn. We won’t stop learning and growing until we die. That’s if we allow ourselves and don’t give up.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of fear and people kicking me in the butt. The past is the past. This is the present. I don’t have to play catch up and try to redeem lost time. I can start from where I’m at and give myself permission to learn, grow, make mistakes and even fail. I hope you will do the same.

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Follow Your Passion

Not everything in life is about money. Yes, we need money, I’m not saying we shouldn’t work or be responsible. What I am saying is when we truly follow our passion, money isn’t the motivation, purpose is.

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My wise father once said, do what you love and the money will follow. His passion is cooking, singing and people. If you see my father, you see me. I probably would have followed in his footsteps and taken over his restaurant, if I wasn’t passionate about the arts. I was good in the restaurant business because I love food and people. Yet, the restaurant business wasn’t for me.

My passion was the arts. I spent hours listening to the radio growing up. My mother bought me my first phonograph at the age of seven. I had 45’s and I would listen to them over and over. I would take walks from my house to Sam Goody on Queens Boulevard, where I was introduced to musicians like Al Di Meola, who is a radical guitarist and ahead of his time.

I didn’t realize I had a singing voice until two musical directors from a play I was in, told me I had a beautiful voice. I thought they were just being nice, until my peers started to tell me the same thing. It was then that I started taking singing seriously and found a coach.

In the midst of this, I loved to dance (still do). My mother was a professional dancer, so I started dancing as soon as I learned to walk. But, in order to get into the top clubs in Manhattan, I needed a fake ID. So me and my friends took a trip to 42nd Street and got ourselves some. It was then that I started frequenting clubs like, the Palladium, Red Parrot, Copacabana, Limelight, Tunnel, and much more.

Yes, music is a passion of mine. But so is reading and writing. I started reading books and keeping a journal as a kid. I devoured books and poured my feelings out on to the page. I also started dabbling in poetry, by the time I reached High School, I submitted my poems to the school newspaper and they made it to the front page. I also drew, so I would draw something that would coincide with my poems which was a plus.

But sadly, for years, I didn’t think I was a “writer”. I knew I was an actress, singer, dancer, and artist, but for some reason, I never thought I was a writer. This discovery happened later in life, when I read Jeff Goins book, You Are A Writer.

If you are not sure what your passion or purpose is, I highly recommend reading his other book, The Art of Work. Jeff is a good friend, colleague and mentor of mine. I have watched him do some amazing things over the years. He is inspiration to me. If you don’t follow his blog, I recommend that you do. I have learned so much from him.

If you don’t know what your passion is, you won’t know what your purpose is either, because passion and purpose go hand in hand. I encourage you to explore and discover what your passion and purpose is, because once you do, you will feel fulfilled.

Are you struggling with knowing your passion or finding your purpose? If so, let’s discuss it in the comment section below.

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