Tag Archives: Fear

Why I Auditioned For The Voice

There was thousands ahead of me…

And thousands behind me…

I became friends with the dude in the light blue shirt. His name is Skyler Kite. His mother rescued me from the ravages of heat. She saved my spot on line, so that I can go in the shade to cool off. What an angel. This is where I met her son, Skyler, he was hiding from the sun too.

Little did I know that he and another young lady would be accompanying me through the maze of long lines. We wound up laughing a lot and having a good time. It reminded me of my acting days.

There is a camaraderie in the arts. When I was in acting school, the other students and I became close. We had a lot in common and shared the same dreams and aspirations.

But let me get to the reason why I decided to audition for The Voice.

Last Wednesday, I never made it home after work. At Port Authority, I began seeing flashing lights in both my eyes which came out of nowhere. I was unable to see and it made me very nervous. I wound up being taken in an ambulance to the hospital. They ran all sorts of tests and found nothing.

They released me on the grounds that I would see my neurologist within two days. I went the following day and gave a ton of blood. I still do not have answers, but he thinks it may be migraines. I do suffer from migraines, but he tells me the flashing lights in the eyes is a precursor to a stroke. Great.

Hearing that kind of thing woke me up and made me see my own mortality. Which is why I decided to go out on a limb and audition for The Voice. It was mostly an exercise to face my fear.

If truth be told, I was never comfortable performing or singing in front of people.

I love music. It is a passion of mine besides books. My escape is music and books. So early on, I decided I wanted to be an actress and singer. I also frequented dance clubs (yes, underage). I loved to express myself dancing (still do). But once I got into the professional aspect of acting and singing, it was no longer fun. It became cut throat and competitive.

I’m not a competitive person. Never was and never will be. Which is why I was talking to everyone freely at The Voice audition. I was genuinely excited for everyone there and wanted them to do their best. I have a passion to encourage the youth to pursue their dreams.

I have to say, all The Voice staff were cool. I have never seen such friendly and approachable people at an audition in my life. I give The Voice a big kudos for hiring the nicest and friendliest people. This helps makes the experience unique and a positive one.

By the time we reached the final stretch, we were put into groups of 10. We waited against a wall to enter a room with the judge. We each sang our selection and when we were done, the judge selected a 15 year old who sounded a bit like Alicia Keys. I was happy for her, she is just starting out her singing career and that’s an incredible way to begin. I spoke to her prior to her audition and she said this was her first time auditioning for this kind of venue. I told her it was mine as well.

All in all, it was a great experience. I faced my fear, I auditioned well, met some amazing people and had a good time. I couldn’t ask for more.

Have you ever auditioned for The Voice or something similar? If so, how was your experience?

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Does Anyone Else Want To Overcome Fear?

I don’t know what I was thinking when I accepted Jon Acuff’s Start challenge a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps I was delusional.

He invited over 2,000 people to participate and over 200 accepted. I was one of them.

Each morning I get an inspirational email from Jon Acuff. I start my day off on the right foot, only to wind up with fear… in my face.

Courtesy of PATRICK BOEHNER – Creative Commons

Fear is relentless.

It tells me I’m no good. It tells me I am not a writer. It tells me to give up.

Jon Acuff tells me to punch fear in the face.

So, fear and I start going at it first thing in the morning. I wind up losing time and time again.

Fear harasses me when I wake up then bullies me all day long.

Forget about when I want to write… fear hurls its ugly insults at me.

Fear is a bully.

Friends, I can’t seem to beat fear. I keep trying to confront this bully, but fear keeps winning every time.

I’m inflated one moment then deflated the next.

I honestly wish I can overcome fear and win for once, instead of allowing it to overpower my life.

Ironically, the minute I committed to the Start challenge, my whole world turned upside down.

I don’t want to bore you with the details, but when I tell you this year has been full of changes, it’s an understatement.

They say change is good, but too many changes at one time is not. At least, not for me.

Fear is a torment, it stops my dreams and prevents me from doing anything worthwhile in my life.

Does anyone else want to overcome fear besides me?

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Insecurity, The Bully

Photo Courtesy of Creative Commons

Do you know her? Insecurity? If you do, then you know she’s a possessed bully.

Insecurity has an uncanny way of showing up even when she’s uninvited. She is obnoxious and rude. She is no friend of mine. No siree.

Insecurity annoys me to the utmost. Every time I think I’m going to beat her at her own game. She winds up winning.

What makes matters worse is that she’s always laughing at me. You know the sinister kind you hear in a horror flick. Infuriating.

I want to kick her in the butt, like “Karate Kid” or “Rocky”.

Insecurity has been bullying me all my life. Every time I would get on stage to sing, I would hear her cackling and saying, “Ha! She thinks she can sing. Watch her crack or forget her lyrics. It’s hilarious.”

I start to recite scriptures to myself to drown her out. Nothing works, I could feel my throat constrict, heart race and palms sweat. Insecurity wins again.

Insecurity always sneaks up on me unawares as I sit staring at a blank page. She howls, “You can’t write, just like you can’t sing. There are so many other talented people who can really sing, write and do everything much better than you. Haven’t you realized you don’t matter? Nobody is even remotely interested in what you have to say. Look at you, what have you accomplished in your life? You are going to be 46 years old and you’ve done nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. You know why? Because you are a loser with a capital ‘L’.”

At this point, I’m either going to do “Moves like Jagger” or go “Rambo” on her. Or better yet… shoot her! Metaphorically speaking, that is. I shalt not murder. So, get thee behind me… Insecurity.

I’m sick of listening to her go on and on and on. She’s incessant and never shuts up. I’m tired of her already. I want to be free of Insecurity, once and for all, whatever the cost.

Do you struggle with insecurity? Are you ready to kick her in the butt and tell her where to go?

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