Category Archives: blogging
Why Do You Write?
I enjoy reading interviews of writers and their creative process.
In the past few days, I have been reading interviews of great authors, such as Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, William Faulkner and Gustave Flaubert.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
I noticed a common thread in these authors is narcissism.
There seems to be a correlation between creative genius and mental illness.
Ernest Hemingway shot himself. F. Scott Fitzgerald was depressed. William Faulkner was an alcoholic. Actually, all three were alcoholics. Gustave Flaubert’s personal life was a bit ‘out there’.
******
I’ve been lurking behind the scenes and observing writers lately.
Writers seem to be plagued by insecurities, much like great authors were.
Writers want to be known. They want their writing to be read and heard. They want to know their writing matters to others and is making a difference in someone’s life.
Personally, I don’t get many comments or traffic on my blog. Nor do I have a large following, audience or platform.
I have had to come to terms that it may always stay this way.
Occasionally, I’ll get a reader who tells me they enjoy my posts and likes my writing. But, not very many.
Truthfully, the more I write and share what God puts on my heart, the less people seem to like it and thus, I get less traffic.
Which is why I had to ask myself the following questions:
1) Am I writing for God, myself or others?
2) Why do I write in the first place?
3) Will I continue to write even if no one reads it and/or my audience never grows?
My answers:
1) I write for God and myself.
2) I write because I love to write. I love words. I love the artistic expression and creative process. I love reading books and writing.
3) Now this one was a hard one to answer, because as I mentioned above, all writers want to be heard and appreciated. But I’ve come to the conclusion, that I do not want my writing to be about someone else liking or accepting it. I want God’s approval. I want to write what I’m passionate about whether anyone else agrees with it or likes it or not. Other people liking my writing is just the icing on the cake.
I’ve discovered that to continue writing, the ‘why’ has to be bigger than the ‘obstacle’.
If your why isn’t bigger than your obstacle, then you won’t keep at it.
If you are only writing for man’s applause or recognition, you will eventually be disappointed and give up.
Writing for others is the wrong focus and motivation.
Writers have to be comfortable and content for art’s sake.
Even if no one reads your writing, you should still want to write anyway.
Writing should never be about other people, but about God and you.
This is the reason why I write.
Now it’s your turn, why do you write?
No Compromise
A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. Galatians 5:9
I keep hearing this verse in my head. When the Lord puts a scripture on my heart, I know there is a reason.
What is the Lord is trying to tell me?
Courtesy of Creative Commons.
Recently, I have been making bread from scratch. It’s been fun discovering the magic of dry yeast.
It’s amazing how a little bit of yeast does make the dough rise.
I began thinking of this in a spiritual context.
In the Bible, leaven denotes sin.
******
Years ago, when I first became a Christian, I was an aspiring actress and singer. A friend of mine, who is now a pastor, took me to his church. It was in the basement of a house in Brooklyn. I lived in Manhattan at the time. He and his wife picked me up and took me there.
I went and heard their pastor preach and was immediately convicted. I remember standing in this pastor’s kitchen afterwards. He asked me what I did for a living? I told him I worked as a secretary while pursuing a career in acting and singing. His immediate response was for me to give up acting and singing.
I was like, what? Give.it.up? Just like that. He said, You love Jesus, right? Well, you need to give up that life if you want to live for Him and serve Him. He told me we are in this world, but not of it. (Romans 12:2)
I was furious. Who was he to tell me such a thing? Didn’t he realize how much I’ve invested, not just money, but time, in pursuing my career? Is he kidding me?
Needless to say, I stopped going to that church. But his words continued to echo in my head.
God knew my heart and began dealing with me. Eventually, I did renounce that life. It didn’t happen overnight, but eventually God got a hold of me and I gave it up willingly.
My desire for God became bigger than my ambition.
Now I’m a writer. I’ve always been a writer, even when I didn’t know it. I filled notebooks with poetry and poured my heart out on the page for years. I never imagined I would one day have a blog and share my heart on this platform.
God is speaking to me once again. Will I compromise in my writing? Will I use my gift to promote others rather than Him? Will I be His mouthpiece in this lost world? Will I write what He tells me, even if it’s unpopular? Will I write despite man’s rejection or opposition?
I’ve been a Christian over 25 years now and I know not to say ‘no’ to God or what He’s asking me to do. It would be suicide.
This morning I wrote in my journal, I’d rather run the risk of man’s rejection than disobey or grieve God’s heart.
I need God. I need His love, His wisdom, His fellowship, His friendship, His help, His guidance, and His presence. This world can’t give that to me, only He can and does.
I know this may seem narrow and rigid to many believers today, but what I find myself continually repeating to my brothers and sisters in Christ, is that we all have different callings. My calling may not be the same as your calling. What may be ok for you, may not be ok for me or vice versa.
God has a specific call, plan and purpose for my life regardless of whether other people understand it or not. I know enough at this stage of the game not to compromise what He is telling me to do. I refuse to compromise.
Are you willing to run the risk of rejection from man for the sake of God? What are you willing to give up for God? Are you willing to take a stand for Christ in these last days even if it’s unpopular and not what everyone else is doing?
Just Don’t Do Porn
This is what I wrote on my Facebook status yesterday after posting this article.
When I posted it, I wasn’t intending to spark a debate. I was only trying to bring light to the spiritual climate.
I decided to amplify and address my views here as there was an implication about my being judgmental.
Courtesy of Creative Commons.
For the record, I am judging the entire porn industry. I refuse to sugar coat what is.
Pornography is wrong and the entire industry is evil. There is nothing good or wholesome about it. I personally think it’s repulsive and shouldn’t exist at all.
God tells us to discern and judge. Ultimately, God knows man’s hearts and what motivates them.
I can’t imagine God is just sitting back, watching and thinking how great the sex industry is. It must grieve His heart terribly.
The entire industry is motivated by the flesh, carnal desires, sinful lusts and greed.
In 1 John 2:16, For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
It says in 2 Corinthians 4:4, In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
Who is the god of this world? Satan.
Who created and controls the sex industry? Satan.
When people say those in the porn industry are victims and don’t know any better. I would have to point them to Romans 2:14-15:
Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right.
I could have been a statistic, I had every excuse to do so, but I chose not to.
We all have choices. Every single one of us walking the face of this earth has choices. God has blessed us with the gift of free will and choice.
Those pursuing a career in pornography are aware of the dangers involved in that life. They are not ignorant to what they are doing, which is why a huge majority do drugs.
They sell their bodies as a commodity.
To say, they don’t know anything else, is to lessen them to sub human with no sense of rationale.
They do have choices, but they choose to sell themselves because that’s where they make the most money and that’s something they are not willing to give up. The majority in that industry are not victims as they are choosing to do what they do for the love of money which is the root of all evil. (1 Timothy 6:10)
If they live in America, they also can’t say they’ve never heard the Gospel. This country is inundated with the Gospel all over the place.
********
Personally, I find the Christian community wanting to sugar coat everything.
They talk a lot about love, but love is a verb, not just a word. Loving someone is telling them the truth.
But no one wants to hear or speak the truth anymore. Christians don’t want to hear about sin, judgment or repentance.
Christian’s only want to listen to the Joel Osteen’s of the world. They want their ears tickled. (2 Timothy 4:3)
All these ‘feel good’ messages. This is the kind of gospel they want to listen to. It’s a man made gospel, not the Bible.
They pick and choose, they only focus on the verses they like and spit out what they don’t like.
Everything to them is wonderful, beautiful and grand, when quite frankly, it’s not. But, they are either not paying attention or sleeping.
Christians don’t want to speak up anymore, they are afraid of offending or coming across as judgmental. Judging has become a crime now and discernment has gone out the window.
However, by not discerning or judging the time and by turning away from truth, Christians have made a god of their own understanding and thus, the Church has become powerless.
The Church needs to rise up and speak the truth again, so that people can repent, turn away from their sins and be saved.
Time is running out.
Rise Up Church
Everywhere you turn, a tragedy befalls us.
Yesterday was the mass shooting in the DC Navy Yard. This morning the abduction of a 14-year old girl in Georgia.
Courtesy of Creative Commons.
It’s not that I’m focused on tragedy or negativity, it’s just what is happening all around us.
Yes, I can perhaps bury my head in the sand, and pretend all is well, but I would only be lying to myself.
I’m not the type of person to focus on myself and forget about everything else.
My life is good, but just because things are relatively good, doesn’t mean I should forget others who are suffering.
I guess I’m this way because I have been through my share of hardship in life.
Sure, following the news can be overwhelmingly hard and there are times I do need to unplug from it all.
But most times than not, I feel burdened for the state of affairs. It’s not something I can shake off or ignore. I wish I could, but for whatever reason, God didn’t design me this way.
Even in the midst of tragedy though, I can still see God’s goodness and beauty. His signature is everywhere; from the rising sun, the mountains and vast oceans.
He is a divine artist and the master designer of this universe. He is a great and loving God.
His heart grieves and for whatever reason, so does mine. He yearns for His Church to rise up in this lost, dark and broken world.
Every Sunday He passes the pews and sees His beloved sleeping. He is so loving and kind, He just passes quietly as not to disturb them. But oh, how sorrowful He is, when those He passes aren’t discerning the time nor the hour.
He is calling His sheep. He is saying, Rise up Church, for now is the time and the hour. Wake up from your slumber.
The days ahead will be far worse than they are now, we must wake up before it’s too late.
I tremble at that thought as my heart can hardly stand what’s happening now.
I am so broken and burdened, and I don’t even understand it myself. It’s definitely not depression, it’s this heaviness or sorrow in my soul.
The sorrow of seeing the Church powerless.
I’ve been praying for revival. The Church and this world needs a revival. I know there are many scattered, praying for this as well.
May the Lord come and visit us soon.
Am I the only one who notices the direction in which this world is going? Do you see it too? Please share in the comment section below.
Abracadabra
Abracadabra. Like many magic words, the true origins of the word “abracadabra” are shrouded in mystery. It may have invoked the god Abraxas for protection. It might be a synthesis of the Hebrew words for “father,” “son,” and “holy spirit.”
It could also be from the Aramaic phrase “avra kehdabra,” meaning, “I will create as I speak.” In ancient times the word was inscribed on pendants worn around the neck as protection from evil and illness. It was considered a far more powerful word in the classical age than it is now.
When I think of the word ‘abracadabra’, I think of magic and modern day Christianity.
What does magic and Christianity have to do with each other? Well, a lot actually.
*****
I just got off a prayer line which I used to be part of a few years ago.
But tonight was different.
I remember when this pastor started his prayer line. There were only a few and then it grew.
Today his ministry has tripled which is pretty impressive. What’s even more impressive is that his ministry consists of mostly women. He seems to attract them in droves.
Why do these women flock to this leader? I paid attention.
It is his pleasantries. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear nice things and ‘feel’ good?
I guess this is what attracted me.
I would get pumped up listening to his persuasive tongue and positive messages. I couldn’t get enough.
His words were like honey, sweet and addicting. But too much honey can make you sick.
He shouts, Declare it, Believe it, you’ll get that Mercedes Benz, in the name of Jesus!
Abracadabra, Hocus Pocus, Alakazam!
This is Christianity today.
An unholy mixture, of compromise and new age mysticism has seeped into the Church.
A seducing and lustful spirit, luring and captivating minds into deception.
I am familiar more than I care to admit.
I recognize them, I discern them, I smell them and I know where they hide.
They haunted and tormented me for years.
You think it’s all good, so long as you hear the word Jesus, right? But, it’s a lie.
The devil uses deception my friends, he’s the master of it. He is the best magician you’ll ever meet.
What? You don’t think these spirits are operating in the Church today? Really?
Well, I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you, they are. Especially today.
The Church can’t see it though, because they are sleeping. They need to wake up from their slumber soon before it’s too late.
War Ravaged Heart
There are times I’m so worn and weary, when the harshness and realities of life overwhelm me.
When I can’t find the words to encompass all that I’m feeling or experiencing.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
When my heart and soul grieves, I find myself writing poetry instead.
So without further ado…
There are different kinds of hell, you know,
One from within and one from without,
Goodbyes are torture and change a torment,
Helplessness proceeds forth into oblivion,
Emotions tear at the war ravaged heart,
Clouds grey, oppressive and morose,
Where is the sun in the clouds above?
Sadness, disappointment, overwhelming the light.
Accursed is Change and Goodbyes so hard.
Tears run like a dam,
Suspending time,
Hoping once again,
For moments of serenity.
In The Pit Of Hell
Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils. 1 Timothy 1:4
It was pitch black in Puttapharti, India. We were half asleep and dragged ourselves from our cots.
We rushed out of our rooms quickly to try and get a spot in front of the line, to catch a glimpse of the miracle man.
All the while I wanted to leave this place.
You see, the sad reality is I was a Christian. I had walked away from my faith temporarily. It was after I met a prominent doctor at a party who spoke to me of this miracle man in India.
I was fascinated, curious and decided I needed to take a trip and see for myself.
When I arrived to this ashram, my spiritual eyes were opened. Instead of being in bliss, I found myself in the pit of hell.
While the group was having one experience, I was having another.
For instance, I kept having vivid and disturbing dreams of this guru. I would tell the group about the dreams and all of a sudden I was categorized as the chosen one.
Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was run for the hills.
It was a complete nightmare. I saw things in the spiritual realm that freaked me out.
As fate would have it, after sitting on the ground cross-legged for hours, our line was selected to go in first. Which meant, we would see the guru up close and personal.
Now who do you think he walked up to?
That’s right, me. He asked me where I was from, who I came with and how many we were.
I then witnessed him produce ash from his fingertips right before my eyes. There was a strong aroma of jasmine and electricity in the air.
Instantly, the Holy Spirit revealed to me he was demon possessed. His power came from demons.
I can’t tell you how afraid I was at that moment. The scary part about it, is when his eyes pierced into mine, it was as if he knew everything about me.
I wanted to leave so badly, but I was unable to get out. I was trapped there, as if kept hostage. There was no escape.
I never cried and asked God to help me so much. I was scared out of my mind.
I look back and realized God allowed me to go there for a reason. I didn’t know what the reason was until now.
This same spirit has entered into the Christian Church.
Christians need to wake up.
For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Matthew 24:24
We are in the last days and these things are happening now. Christians, please take heed.
One Thing I Don’t Regret
Yesterday I came across a story that crushed my spirit. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do is think about this precious boy in China.
AFP
For the life of me, I can’t understand how anyone, much less a woman, could gauge out the eyes of an innocent child.
His uncle says he asks why the sky is always dark … and why the dawn still hasn’t come. Heartbreaking.
How does one explain to a six year old he is blind for life by the hand of a cruel stranger? How is he suppose to understand this? I feel heartbroken for him, his parents and family. No child should have to go through something like this.
******
At three-thirty in the morning, I cried out to God, asking Him why? Why this little boy? Why any child for that matter?
Silence.
I fell back to sleep eventually and had a dream. I saw Jeremiah 29:11.
Every now and then, God speaks to me through dreams. I count it a blessing when He does.
He is kind and thoughtful, unlike this cold, callous and cruel world that hurt this boy.
Yes, God made the world beautiful, much like the Garden of Eden, until evil destroyed it.
God reminded me in Jeremiah 29:11, that He is with me, even when my heart feels like it will explode from the pain.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
What a hope. What a promise! One I will grip on to tightly in the days ahead.
*****
When I look over my life, I have a lot of regrets. But the one thing I don’t regret is giving my life to Jesus Christ.
If there is one thing I did right in my life, it was that.
Since giving Him my life, there were plenty of times He could have turned His back on me, but He didn’t.
He loves me unconditionally, something I have a hard time grasping, because I think I need to earn everything.
But grace can’t be earned. He gives it freely.
Which is why I can’t wait for the day I meet Him face to face.
I need to stick around for my boys sake to make sure they are standing on their own two feet. But I can’t wait to experience His uninterrupted love 24/7. Where there will be no evil, tears, pain, hurt, sickness, tragedy or death.
I’m grateful I am a child of God. When things look bleak and I grow weary, I am glad I have His hand to hold.
He is my only hope in this world. I can’t fathom living life without Him.
I remember when I didn’t know Him. What a dark and hopeless place that was. I never want to live like that again.
I wish the woman that gauged the boy’s eyes out knew Him. If she knew Him, she wouldn’t have committed this heinous crime. If she knew His deep and abiding love, she wouldn’t have been consumed with evil to harm him.
My heart is heavy today and I am weary. My prayer is that the darkness which is consuming hearts will be replaced by Jesus’ love and light.
Is Jesus your only hope?
What Happened to Miley Cyrus?
I know you are probably sick and tired of reading about Miley Cyrus.
Some don’t understand what the big deal is, while others are as dazed and confused as I am.
The big question is what happened to Miley Cyrus?
This is how I remember her:
Courtesy of Creative Commons
A young, wholesome, beautiful, church going singer.
But somewhere along the line, she turned into this:
by www.blog.zap2it.com
What happened? What went wrong?
If I was able to speak to her, I would ask her these questions. I would try and understand her because this makes me sad.
Why did she sell out and so young too? She has her whole life ahead of her and is this the legacy she wants to leave behind? Is her raunchy and offensive performance at the VMA’s worth it?
She made a complete spectacle of herself. I honestly do not see how her mother or father can think this is good. They were a church going family. Somewhere deep down, I know they can’t possibly think this is right?
Does she want to be known as some tongue wagging, butt slapping, crotch grabbing, wannabe Madonna?
Somewhere down the line, she made a choice. She took a turn and it could possibly be connected with substances or her parent’s break-up or her reality TV show.
But one thing’s for certain, the root of it is spiritual.
It is an unclean spirit possessing young, vulnerable, innocent children like her. It is an evil force penetrating the minds and hearts of this generation. The enemy is using drugs, music and the media to captivate our youth and drive them into all types of confusion.
I continue to say, we must pray for our youth, and we must. The days are only getting darker.
Miley Cyrus’ performance is just a small fraction of what’s happening to our youth today.
Yes, what Miley did was shocking and appalling, but Jesus loves her.
We need to pray for her and all those who are blind like her. We must love our children enough to pray, intercede and stand in the gap for them.
Time is short.
Do you believe this epidemic goes beyond Miley Cyrus? What are your thoughts on what is happening to our youth today? Do you agree that it is spiritual?
I’m Not Used To Being Loved
After I read a comment from a friend of mine on Facebook, tears streamed down my face while I popped M&M’s in my mouth.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
Something about peanut M&M’s soothes me.
I sit here, typing and thinking, why am I crying? My friends are saying wonderful things and I’m crying when I should be happy.
It’s just like when my husband says I’m beautiful, and I respond, you just love me. Or like in this case, when my friends tell me they believe in me and I cry.
What is it with me?
It seems I’m not used to being loved.
There is the deep seated sense of unworthiness plaguing me.
My husband tells me he loves me, my friends compliment me, and sadly, it doesn’t compute.
*****
This weekend I was really down. I started telling my husband how I must be a real disappointment to God.
I know what you are going to say. I’m being too hard on myself, right?
And you would be right to say that.
However, this is what I believe. It’s not some ploy to fish for compliments or anything.
It’s the fractured self I live with every day.
Broken and battered soul who hasn’t fully healed from all the pain and hurt life has dished.
If you met me in person, you wouldn’t see this side unless you were looking closely. I have learned to survive and put up a good front.
But, the mask I wear is slowly crumbling.
No, I do not see myself the way God sees me. I see through a tainted glass. My perception is warped based on years of repetitive traumatic experiences which I don’t care to get into at the moment.
I see the damage it has done and no, I don’t want to remain this way. I continue to pray for healing in the broken and painful places.
The places where others looking on the outside may judge me for.
It’s so easy to judge someone without knowing their story. We all do it, but it’s wrong, because we really don’t know why a person is the way they are or acts the way they do. We just label.
Meanwhile, I find, the people who judge severest, are the ones who are most damaged themselves. We reflect on to others what we ourselves are; like a mirror.
I want to see myself through God’s reflection and not my own or anyone elses for that matter.
I want to be able to receive and accept love from others without feeling the shame and unworthiness of it.
I don’t want to live my life always fearful, anxious, suspicious or guarded.
Yes, I want to use wisdom and discernment in setting firm boundaries where I must with others; whether it be family, friend or foe.
However, I don’t want to blanket everyone who has genuine intentions by putting them in the same category of those who have hurt me either.
I pray for myself and for all those struggling like me. May the Lord continue to touch and heal the broken places in our lives and make us whole.
Do you struggle with allowing yourself to be loved? How do you think God sees you? How do you see yourself and others?
When Jesus Isn’t Enough
What is this constant gnawing of discontent and dissatisfaction? What is it that propels me to search and chase after other gods? Why do I continue with cheap substitutes to fill the void? Why isn’t Jesus enough?
Courtesy of Creative Commons
The internal battle wages. Desperate for Jesus one minute, like Judas the next.
Why can’t I serve the One who gave His very life?
Sometimes I think I’m ever learning, and never coming to the knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 3:7)
I tremble at the thought of having a form of godliness but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:5)
Those are scary verses and so is this blog post written by a wise, young woman, the daughter of missionary friends in Guatemala.
*****
I have been wrestling, after a difficult discussion with a black Hebrew Israelite the other day.
I realized where I’m at and how ill-equipped I am.
I examined myself and came to the conclusion, Jesus isn’t enough.
For if He was enough, I wouldn’t have other affections competing with Him.
These subtle or obvious distractions taking me away from my first love.
Why does this happen?
Am I being deceived or believing a lie?
Why isn’t Jesus enough?
When I say I love Him, what does that mean?
I seem to read the Bible out of rote.
When I read, it’s like a science fiction movie.
The Bible seems outlandish and unreal.
I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I don’t doubt this.
However, if I’m honest, I have trouble believing everything I read. I guess because it seems so out there.
I make myself read every day. I pray and ask the Lord to open my spiritual eyes of understanding. To make it real and personal, but it hasn’t happened yet.
So when I encountered that man the other day, I wasn’t prepared or able to do what the Jehovah Witnesses did.
It even goes deeper than this, there are times I have a crisis of faith, and don’t know what I believe anymore.
No, I won’t walk away from Jesus again, I’ve done that too many times, by exploring other religions which got me nowhere.
Sadly though, I live as if Jesus isn’t enough. For I am still trying to fill the void, with everything else but Him.
It comes down to this, I force myself to read the Bible every day, but I don’t get it, neither do I enjoy it.
Yes, on occasion, I will come across a verse that speaks to me, but there isn’t some profound revelation that changes my life.
I still have the same habits, the same fears, the same distrust, the same lack of faith; nothing’s changed. I’ve just learned to hide it or mask it better.
The Word does not become alive to me, which is why I’ve chased after other gods.
My story is a long one.
I’ve been in this struggle for years now which is probably why I’ve walked away so many times.
If I don’t love the Word, then how can I call myself a Christian?
I love Jesus, I guess to the capacity I am able.
But, you can’t manufacture something you don’t have. Just like you can’t make yourself fall in love.
Love is more than a four letter word we say. I can say I love Jesus, but at the end of the day, what does that really mean?
How is my love for Him showing up in my every day life? When something unfair or unjust happens? When someone wrongs me? How I treat others?
The reason why I find the bible dull is due to my own lack of understanding resulting from a hard heart.
The Bible says God shall not be mocked. (Galatians 6:7)
He will not unravel, unlock or unleash His mysteries to just anyone.
Only those who seek Him like hidden treasure and put Him first above all else. (Matthew 13:44 and Matthew 6:33)
Do you struggle reading and understanding the Bible? Do you enjoy reading the Bible? What did you do to begin to enjoy it? How has reading the Bible changed your life?
Follow
embodyart