War Ravaged Heart

September 13, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | Leave a comment

There are times I’m so worn and weary, when the harshness and realities of life overwhelm me.

When I can’t find the words to encompass all that I’m feeling or experiencing.

Courtesy of Creative Commons

When my heart and soul grieves, I find myself writing poetry instead.

So without further ado…

There are different kinds of hell, you know,

One from within and one from without,

Goodbyes are torture and change a torment,

Helplessness proceeds forth into oblivion,

Emotions tear at the war ravaged heart,

Clouds grey, oppressive and morose,

Where is the sun in the clouds above?

Sadness, disappointment, overwhelming the light.

Accursed is Change and Goodbyes so hard.

Tears run like a dam,

Suspending time,

Hoping once again,

For moments of serenity.

When Mountains Move by Julie Cantrell

September 11, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | Leave a comment

Paperback: 416 pages
Publisher: David C. Cook (September 1, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0781404258
ISBN-13: 978-0781404259
Price: $14.99
Purchase: Amazon | CBD | BN

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Description

It is the spring of 1943. With a wedding and a cross-country move, Millie’s world is about to change forever.

If only her past could change with it.

Soon after the break of day, Bump will become Millie’s husband. And then, if all goes as planned, they will leave the rain-soaked fields of Mississippi and head for the wilds of the Colorado Rockies. As Millie tries to forget a dark secret, she hasn’t yet realized how drastically those past experiences will impact the coming days.

For most of Millie’s life, being free felt about as unlikely as the mountains moving. But she’s about to discover that sometimes in life, we are given second chances, and that the only thing bigger than her past … is her future.

Review

When Mountains Move is the sequel to Julie Cantrell’s debut novel, Into The Free. I absolutely loved Into The Free that I was ecstatic when the sequel arrived.

Julie Cantrell does it again. She does not disappoint. What a beautiful story. I am in love with her writing and characters. Julie Cantrell is a phenomenal writer. I can not say enough about her.

When Mountains Move picks up where Into The Free leaves off, which I was thrilled about. As I wanted to know what was going to happen. I was left with an expectation with Into The Free that needed to be satiated.

When Mountains Move does that and more.

I don’t want to spoil it for you by giving anything away. This is the kind of book you must read for yourself. But please, do read Into The Free first.

Julie Cantrell has become one of my favorite fiction authors. I can’t wait for her next book.

In conclusion, I want to thank Wynn-Wynn Media and David C. Cooke for the complimentary advanced copy of this amazing book.

Julie Cantrell is the New York Times and USA Today bestselling author of Into the Free, which won Christy Awards for Best Debut Novel and for Book of the Year 2013 as well as the Fiction Award from the Mississippi Library Association. Cantrell has served as editor-in-chief of the Southern Literary Review and is a recipient of the Mississippi Arts Commission Literary Fellowship. She and her family live in Mississippi, where they operate Valley House Farm. Her new novel, When Mountains Move, is the sequel to Into the Free.

Holy Is The Day by Carolyn Weber

September 11, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 1 Comment

Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: IVP Books (October 6, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0830843078
ISBN-13: 978-0830843077
Price: $12.00
Purchase: Amazon| BN | CBD

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Description

Life pulls us in many directions, sometimes even to the point of pulling our souls apart. We know rest and reflection are necessary for a healthy life—even Jesus took time to get away from the crowds, away from the demands of everyday life, to pray, to spend time with close friends, to sleep.

But when Carolyn Weber—emotionally and physically exhausted from managing her career as a college professor, writing her first book and parenting three children under the age of three—hears this truth from a friend, all she can think is: but who will do everything if I don’t?

And this sets her on a journey to find the still, small space in each day.

In these pages Carolyn reflects on the eternal beauty that lurks within the present. Drawing from literature, history and everyday life, Holy Is the Day is a collection of spiritual reflections that trace the way God’s ever-renewing grace is a gift of the present. Opening it we find poignant stories of endurance, humility, compassion, remembrance and gratitude, as well a harrowing account of near-death experience.

Carolyn gives us new eyes to receive the precious gift of the present and give it away to others.

Review

In January of 2012, I reviewed Carolyn Weber’s award-winning memoir, Surprised by Oxford. This book spoke to me on so many levels.

Surprised by Oxford is one of my most favorite memoirs.

When I was asked by Intervarsity Press to review Holy Is The Day, I was more than excited, I was ecstatic.

Holy Is The Day is absolutely breathtaking. Carolyn Weber writes exquisite. She is a master wordsmith. Her writing reminds me of C.S. Lewis and Frederick Buechner, both of whom are my favorite authors. Carolyn Weber is in a lane by herself as her words are poetic and meaningful.

She writes so beautifully, that I am committed to reading everything she writes until the day I die. I know this sounds dramatic, but I am telling the truth. I do not want to miss out on anything she writes.

Holy Is The Day is written as a meditation. Carolyn Weber shares her personal experiences, weaving stories from Scripture. Her spiritual reflections are breathtaking and powerful.

Lately, the theme has been to live in the moment, Holy Is The Day is timely to say the least.

I was blessed to have received a complimentary advanced copy from Intervarsity Press for which I am grateful.

I highly recommend Holy Is The Day; it is beautiful beyond words.

Carolyn Weber is an author, speaker and professor. She has taught literature to undergraduates for 15 years, most recently as associate professor of Romantic Literature at Seattle University. As the Canadian Commonwealth scholar for literature, she completed her M.Phil and Doctoral degrees at Oxford University, and later served as the first female Dean of St. Peter’s College, Oxford.

Carolyn lives in London, Ontario Canada with her husband and their 4 children.

 

In The Pit Of Hell

September 3, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | Leave a comment

Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils. 1 Timothy 1:4

It was pitch black in Puttapharti, India. We were half asleep and dragged ourselves from our cots.

We rushed out of our rooms quickly to try and get a spot in front of the line, to catch a glimpse of the miracle man.

All the while I wanted to leave this place.

You see, the sad reality is I was a Christian. I had walked away from my faith temporarily. It was after I met a prominent doctor at a party who spoke to me of this miracle man in India.

I was fascinated, curious and decided I needed to take a trip and see for myself.

When I arrived to this ashram, my spiritual eyes were opened. Instead of being in bliss, I found myself in the pit of hell.

While the group was having one experience, I was having another.

For instance, I kept having vivid and disturbing dreams of this guru. I would tell the group about the dreams and all of a sudden I was categorized as the chosen one.

Meanwhile, all I wanted to do was run for the hills.

It was a complete nightmare. I saw things in the spiritual realm that freaked me out.

As fate would have it, after sitting on the ground cross-legged for hours, our line was selected to go in first.  Which meant, we would see the guru up close and personal.

Now who do you think he walked up to?

That’s right, me. He asked me where I was from, who I came with and how many we were.

I then witnessed him produce ash from his fingertips right before my eyes. There was a strong aroma of jasmine and electricity in the air.

Instantly, the Holy Spirit revealed to me he was demon possessed. His power came from demons.

I can’t tell you how afraid I was at that moment. The scary part about it, is when his eyes pierced into mine, it was as if he knew everything about me.

I wanted to leave so badly, but I was unable to get out. I was trapped there, as if kept hostage. There was no escape.

I never cried and asked God to help me so much. I was scared out of my mind.

I look back and realized God allowed me to go there for a reason. I didn’t know what the reason was until now.

This same spirit has entered into the Christian Church.

Christians need to wake up.

For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect. Matthew 24:24

We are in the last days and these things are happening now. Christians, please take heed.

One Thing I Don’t Regret

August 29, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 3 Comments

Yesterday I came across a story that crushed my spirit. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do is think about this precious boy in China.

AFP

For the life of me, I can’t understand how anyone, much less a woman, could gauge out the eyes of an innocent child.

His uncle says he asks why the sky is always dark … and why the dawn still hasn’t come.  Heartbreaking.

How does one explain to a six year old he is blind for life by the hand of a cruel stranger?  How is he suppose to understand this? I feel heartbroken for him, his parents and family. No child should have to go through something like this.
******

At three-thirty in the morning, I cried out to God, asking Him why? Why this little boy? Why any child for that matter?

Silence.

I fell back to sleep eventually and had a dream. I saw Jeremiah 29:11.

Every now and then, God speaks to me through dreams. I count it a blessing when He does.

He is kind and thoughtful, unlike this cold, callous and cruel world that hurt this boy.

Yes, God made the world beautiful, much like the Garden of Eden, until evil destroyed it.

God reminded me in Jeremiah 29:11, that He is with me, even when my heart feels like it will explode from the pain.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What a hope. What a promise! One I will grip on to tightly in the days ahead.

*****

When I look over my life, I have a lot of regrets. But the one thing I don’t regret is giving my life to Jesus Christ.

If there is one thing I did right in my life, it was that.

Since giving Him my life, there were plenty of times He could have turned His back on me, but He didn’t.

He loves me unconditionally, something I have a hard time grasping, because I think I need to earn everything.

But grace can’t be earned. He gives it freely.

Which is why I can’t wait for the day I meet Him face to face.

I need to stick around for my boys sake to make sure they are standing on their own two feet. But I can’t wait to experience His uninterrupted love 24/7. Where there will be no evil, tears, pain, hurt, sickness, tragedy or death.

I’m grateful I am a child of God. When things look bleak and I grow weary, I am glad I have His hand to hold.

He is my only hope in this world. I can’t fathom living life without Him.

I remember when I didn’t know Him. What a dark and hopeless place that was. I never want to live like that again.

I wish the woman that gauged the boy’s eyes out knew Him. If she knew Him, she wouldn’t have committed this heinous crime. If she knew His deep and abiding love, she wouldn’t have been consumed with evil to harm him.

My heart is heavy today and I am weary. My prayer is that the darkness which is consuming hearts will be replaced by Jesus’ love and light.

Is Jesus your only hope?

What Happened to Miley Cyrus?

August 27, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 3 Comments

I know you are probably sick and tired of reading about Miley Cyrus.

Some don’t understand what the big deal is, while others are as dazed and confused as I am.

The big question is what happened to Miley Cyrus?

This is how I remember her:

Courtesy of Creative Commons

A young, wholesome, beautiful, church going singer.

But somewhere along the line, she turned into this:

by www.blog.zap2it.com

What happened? What went wrong?

If I was able to speak to her, I would ask her these questions. I would try and understand her because this makes me sad.

Why did she sell out and so young too? She has her whole life ahead of her and is this the legacy she wants to leave behind? Is her raunchy and offensive performance at the VMA’s worth it?

She made a complete spectacle of herself. I honestly do not see how her mother or father can think this is good. They were a church going family. Somewhere deep down, I know they can’t possibly think this is right?

Does she want to be known as some tongue wagging, butt slapping, crotch grabbing, wannabe Madonna?

Somewhere down the line, she made a choice. She took a turn and it could possibly be connected with substances or her parent’s break-up or her reality TV show.

But one thing’s for certain, the root of it is spiritual.

It is an unclean spirit possessing young, vulnerable, innocent children like her. It is an evil force penetrating the minds and hearts of this generation. The enemy is using drugs, music and the media to captivate our youth and drive them into all types of confusion.

I continue to say, we must pray for our youth, and we must. The days are only getting darker.

Miley Cyrus’ performance is just a small fraction of what’s happening to our youth today.

Yes, what Miley did was shocking and appalling, but Jesus loves her.

We need to pray for her and all those who are blind like her. We must love our children enough to pray, intercede and stand in the gap for them.

Time is short.

Do you believe this epidemic goes beyond Miley Cyrus? What are your thoughts on what is happening to our youth today? Do you agree that it is spiritual?

I’m Not Used To Being Loved

August 22, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 12 Comments

After I read a comment from a friend of mine on Facebook, tears streamed down my face while I popped M&M’s in my mouth.

Courtesy of Creative Commons

Something about peanut M&M’s soothes me.

I sit here, typing and thinking, why am I crying? My friends are saying wonderful things and I’m crying when I should be happy.

It’s just like when my husband says I’m beautiful, and I respond, you just love me. Or like in this case, when my friends tell me they believe in me and I cry.

What is it with me?

It seems I’m not used to being loved.

There is the deep seated sense of unworthiness plaguing me.

My husband tells me he loves me, my friends compliment me, and sadly, it doesn’t compute.

*****

This weekend I was really down. I started telling my husband how I must be a real disappointment to God.

I know what you are going to say. I’m being too hard on myself, right?

And you would be right to say that.

However, this is what I believe. It’s not some ploy to fish for compliments or anything.

It’s the fractured self I live with every day.

Broken and battered soul who hasn’t fully healed from all the pain and hurt life has dished.

If you met me in person, you wouldn’t see this side unless you were looking closely. I have learned to survive and put up a good front.

But, the mask I wear is slowly crumbling.  

No, I do not see myself the way God sees me. I see through a tainted glass. My perception is warped based on years of repetitive traumatic experiences which I don’t care to get into at the moment.

I see the damage it has done and no, I don’t want to remain this way. I continue to pray for healing in the broken and painful places.

The places where others looking on the outside may judge me for.

It’s so easy to judge someone without knowing their story. We all do it, but it’s wrong, because we really don’t know why a person is the way they are or acts the way they do. We just label.

Meanwhile, I find, the people who judge severest, are the ones who are most damaged themselves. We reflect on to others what we ourselves are; like a mirror.

I want to see myself through God’s reflection and not my own or anyone elses for that matter.

I want to be able to receive and accept love from others without feeling the shame and unworthiness of it.

I don’t want to live my life always fearful, anxious, suspicious or guarded.

Yes, I want to use wisdom and discernment in setting firm boundaries where I must with others; whether it be family, friend or foe.

However, I don’t want to blanket everyone who has genuine intentions by putting them in the same category of those who have hurt me either.

I pray for myself and for all those struggling like me. May the Lord continue to touch and heal the broken places in our lives and make us whole.

Do you struggle with allowing yourself to be loved? How do you think God sees you? How do you see yourself and others?

Start by Jon Acuff

August 21, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | Leave a comment

Hardcover: 288 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson (April 23, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1937077594
ISBN-13: 978-1937077594
Price: $22.99
Purchase: Amazon | BN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Description

Wall Street Journal best-selling author Jon Acuff reveals the steps to getting unstuck and back onto the path of being awesome. Over the last 100 years, the road to success for most everyone has been divided into predictable stages. But three things have changed the path to success: Boomers are realizing that a lot of the things they were promised aren’t going to materialize, and they have started second and third careers. Technology has given access to an unprecedented number of people who are building online empires and changing their lives and changing their lives that would have been impossible years ago. The days of “success first, significance later,” have ended. While none of the stages can be skipped, they can be shortened and accelerated. There are only two paths in life: average and awesome. The average path is easy because all you have to do is nothing. The awesome path is more challenging, because things like fear only bother you when you do work that matters. The good news is Start gives readers practical, actionable insights to be more awesome, more often.

Review

I read Quitter, I went to the Quitter Conference and now I’ve had the sincere pleasure of reading Start.

I enjoy Jon Acuff’s voice. He has an impeccable sense of humor. This man makes me laugh harder than anyone. He also makes me cry. He is wise, compassionate and brilliant.

I wish I can carry a miniature Jon Acuff on my shoulder every day. He is the greatest encourager and motivator out there.

He doesn’t share what he hasn’t gone through. He is transparent with his struggles and the mistakes he’s made. He writes what has helped him go from Point A to Point B. He is generous with advice and doesn’t hold anything back.

His passion is helping others reach their dreams without destroying their lives. How can you not love this guy?

Start is the kind of book you will want to keep reading and not put down. It is full of wisdom, humor, inspiration, encouragement and motivation.

Why settle for ordinary, when you can be awesome. Jon Acuff tells you how to do it in, Start.

I loved Quitter and Start even more.  I believe  you will too.

Jon Acuff used to be a Serial Quitter. He had eight jobs in eight years, constantly hoping the next one would be different. From writing advertising for The Home Depot to branding for companies like Bose and Staples, he’s no stranger to the cubicle.

In 2010, Jon closed the gap between his day job and his dream job when he joined the Dave Ramsey team to become a full-time author. He has contributed to CNN.com, speaks nationally on a variety of subjects, and is the author of three books: Quitter; Gazelles, Baby Steps And 37 Other Things Dave Ramsey Taught Me About Debt; and Stuff Christians Like.

He lives in Nashville, TN, with his wife and two daughters.

When Jesus Isn’t Enough

August 19, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 6 Comments

What is this constant gnawing of discontent and dissatisfaction? What is it that propels me to search and chase after other gods? Why do I continue with cheap substitutes to fill the void? Why isn’t Jesus enough?

Courtesy of Creative Commons

The internal battle wages. Desperate for Jesus one minute, like Judas the next.

Why can’t I serve the One who gave His very life?

Sometimes I think I’m ever learning, and never coming to the knowledge of the truth. (2 Timothy 3:7)

I tremble at the thought of having a form of godliness but denying its power. (2 Timothy 3:5)

Those are scary verses and so is this blog post written by a wise, young woman, the daughter of missionary friends in Guatemala.

*****

I have been wrestling, after a difficult discussion with a black Hebrew Israelite the other day.

I realized where I’m at and how ill-equipped I am.

I examined myself and came to the conclusion, Jesus isn’t enough.

For if He was enough, I wouldn’t have other affections competing with Him.

These subtle or obvious distractions taking me away from my first love.

Why does this happen?

Am I being deceived or believing a lie?

Why isn’t Jesus enough?

When I say I love Him, what does that mean?

I seem to read the Bible out of rote.

When I read, it’s like a science fiction movie.

The Bible seems outlandish and unreal.

I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I don’t doubt this.

However, if I’m honest, I have trouble believing everything I read. I guess because it seems so out there.

I make myself read every day. I pray and ask the Lord to open my spiritual eyes of understanding. To make it real and personal, but it hasn’t happened yet.

So when I encountered that man the other day, I wasn’t prepared or able to do what the Jehovah Witnesses did.

It even goes deeper than this, there are times I have a crisis of faith, and don’t know what I believe anymore.

No, I won’t walk away from Jesus again, I’ve done that too many times, by exploring other religions which got me nowhere.

Sadly though, I live as if Jesus isn’t enough. For I am still trying to fill the void, with everything else but Him.

It comes down to this, I force myself to read the Bible every day, but I don’t get it, neither do I enjoy it.

Yes, on occasion, I will come across a verse that speaks to me, but there isn’t some profound revelation that changes my life.

I still have the same habits, the same fears, the same distrust, the same lack of faith; nothing’s changed. I’ve just learned to hide it or mask it better.

The Word does not become alive to me, which is why I’ve chased after other gods.

My story is a long one.

I’ve been in this struggle for years now which is probably why I’ve walked away so many times.

If I don’t love the Word, then how can I call myself a Christian?

I love Jesus, I guess to the capacity I am able.

But, you can’t manufacture something you don’t have. Just like you can’t make yourself fall in love.

Love is more than a four letter word we say. I can say I love Jesus, but at the end of the day, what does that really mean?

How is my love for Him showing up in my every day life? When something unfair or unjust happens? When someone wrongs me? How I treat others?

The reason why I find the bible dull is due to my own lack of understanding resulting from a hard heart.

The Bible says God shall not be mocked. (Galatians 6:7)

He will not unravel, unlock or unleash His mysteries to just anyone.

Only those who seek Him like hidden treasure and put Him first above all else. (Matthew 13:44 and Matthew 6:33)

Do you struggle reading and understanding the Bible? Do you enjoy reading the Bible? What did you do to begin to enjoy it? How has reading the Bible changed your life?

Conversations With A Black Hebrew Israelite

August 17, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 3 Comments

It all began while at this billboard.

Of the HBO award-winning series called “Boardwalk Empire”.

What struck me was the photo of these gangsters. I’ve always been fascinated with the Italian mob.

While observing the billboard, there was a tall, well-dressed African American man to my left.

He says, “Those were the original gangsters and now there’s the Crips and Bloods.”

I say, gang violence makes me sad and mention how a friend in Chicago witnesses the youth dying from gang violence every day.

“That’s because my people don’t know who they are.”

I stop (big mistake), turn around and asked him what he meant by that.

He tells me his people, the American blacks (not the African Americans) and Latinos, are the real Jews and not Jewish people.

Somehow I made the second mistake by mentioning that my husband is half black.

There’s no half black!  He’s either black or he isn’t. Is his father white or black?

I tell him, black.

He’s black then. Period. End of story.

I proceed to bury myself even further by asking him a question.

I asked him what his thoughts were on inter racial marriage.

He responds, there is no hope for me. But there is hope for my husband if he repents by divorcing me.

Is this guy for real?

He says, I’m white and there is no hope for rednecks. White people are from the lineage of Esau. All white people are of the devil.

At this point, my head is spinning.

He continues with his rant about New York City being like ancient Egypt. The buildings like Rome. And all white people will become slaves or destroyed by fire.

He criticizes black women passing by, saying they dress like whores, and they learned it from white women.

He then spots a group of Jehovah Witnesses’ and shouts for them to come over.

They see me, I’m sure with a forlorn expression and asked if I was ok.

I told them that according to him, I have no hope of salvation because I’m white and if my husband, who is black, doesn’t divorce me, he and my children will be destroyed for eternity.

They immediately whip out The Watchtower and Awake magazines, plus their New World Translation bibles.

He quickly bends down, unzips his black duffel bag and takes out his marked-up Apocrypha and King James Bible.

The four Jehovah Witnesses’ were black, so he was on a mission to open their eyes to his truth.

But what I was able to see in their exchange was that he was getting bible verses wrong.

I didn’t have a bible with me (I know, shame on me), but when the Jehovah Witnesses showed up, they were going through their bibles as he was quoting scripture and calling him out on his mistakes.

They all were smart, kind, educated and respectful.

I’ve always been impressed with the Jehovah Witnesses’.

I don’t concur with their theology, but I do respect their dedication.

I personally know of a few and their work ethic is impeccable. They are more dedicated than most evangelicals I know, myself included. They put us to shame actually.

I digress, what an experience.

I actually felt bad for the guy. I mentioned to him that most of my friends are black, so he called me a nigger lover.

At that point, I realized there was no reasoning with him. He was completely convinced white people are the enemy and can’t be trusted.

I walked away feeling helpless and sad. What a disappointing experience.

Have you ever encountered something like this?

It’s Hard To Say Goodbye

August 16, 2013 by Ordinary Servant | 4 Comments

Do you find it hard to say goodbye? I do.

Courtesy of Celine Shortie – Flicker CC

Lately, there are so many changes happening, and with those changes, goodbyes.

The changes are occurring on my job and where I live. I’m having to say goodbye to people I have known for a long while.

I’m not good with changes or goodbyes.

In the days ahead, I’m going to have to say goodbye to a number of people I care about, from co-workers to neighbors.

No, I’m not going anywhere, they are. I’m happy for them, but sad for me.

Change always unsettles me, it challenges my stability. It makes me feel insecure. Especially when I am unaware of what’s to come, the unknown.

There are times when we are forced to say goodbye to people we care about, whether it is for our own mental/emotional health or the inevitable, death.

Those final goodbyes are the hardest.

*****

2013 has been riddled with change and goodbyes. I’m trying hard to cope, but deep down, I am preoccupied with it all and what’s to come.

I realize we have no control over what the future holds, we only have today, the moment. But in times like this, I seem to allow the moment to be robbed by worry and anxiety.

I know this is something I personally struggle with.

When something is good, I don’t want it to change. I want it to stay the same forever.

There are some that say change is good. I wish I had that perspective. I would get up every morning embracing the day without fear or reservation.

Unfortunately, that’s not how I get up every day. I get up to a torrent of worry. This is my reality, my personal nightmare. With so much change and upheavel, it’s really challenging me in ways I didn’t think possible.

Perhaps in the end, it will all be for the best. Hopefully this upheaval of change will stretch my character and hopefully, my faith. Only time will tell.

How do you handle changes or saying goodbye? Is this something you struggle with too?