Category Archives: blogging
Conversations With A Black Hebrew Israelite
It all began while at this billboard.
Of the HBO award-winning series called “Boardwalk Empire”.
What struck me was the photo of these gangsters. I’ve always been fascinated with the Italian mob.
While observing the billboard, there was a tall, well-dressed African American man to my left.
He says, “Those were the original gangsters and now there’s the Crips and Bloods.”
I say, gang violence makes me sad and mention how a friend in Chicago witnesses the youth dying from gang violence every day.
“That’s because my people don’t know who they are.”
I stop (big mistake), turn around and asked him what he meant by that.
He tells me his people, the American blacks (not the African Americans) and Latinos, are the real Jews and not Jewish people.
Somehow I made the second mistake by mentioning that my husband is half black.
There’s no half black! He’s either black or he isn’t. Is his father white or black?
I tell him, black.
He’s black then. Period. End of story.
I proceed to bury myself even further by asking him a question.
I asked him what his thoughts were on inter racial marriage.
He responds, there is no hope for me. But there is hope for my husband if he repents by divorcing me.
Is this guy for real?
He says, I’m white and there is no hope for rednecks. White people are from the lineage of Esau. All white people are of the devil.
At this point, my head is spinning.
He continues with his rant about New York City being like ancient Egypt. The buildings like Rome. And all white people will become slaves or destroyed by fire.
He criticizes black women passing by, saying they dress like whores, and they learned it from white women.
He then spots a group of Jehovah Witnesses’ and shouts for them to come over.
They see me, I’m sure with a forlorn expression and asked if I was ok.
I told them that according to him, I have no hope of salvation because I’m white and if my husband, who is black, doesn’t divorce me, he and my children will be destroyed for eternity.
They immediately whip out The Watchtower and Awake magazines, plus their New World Translation bibles.
He quickly bends down, unzips his black duffel bag and takes out his marked-up Apocrypha and King James Bible.
The four Jehovah Witnesses’ were black, so he was on a mission to open their eyes to his truth.
But what I was able to see in their exchange was that he was getting bible verses wrong.
I didn’t have a bible with me (I know, shame on me), but when the Jehovah Witnesses showed up, they were going through their bibles as he was quoting scripture and calling him out on his mistakes.
They all were smart, kind, educated and respectful.
I’ve always been impressed with the Jehovah Witnesses’.
I don’t concur with their theology, but I do respect their dedication.
I personally know of a few and their work ethic is impeccable. They are more dedicated than most evangelicals I know, myself included. They put us to shame actually.
I digress, what an experience.
I actually felt bad for the guy. I mentioned to him that most of my friends are black, so he called me a nigger lover.
At that point, I realized there was no reasoning with him. He was completely convinced white people are the enemy and can’t be trusted.
I walked away feeling helpless and sad. What a disappointing experience.
Have you ever encountered something like this?
It’s Hard To Say Goodbye
Do you find it hard to say goodbye? I do.
Courtesy of Celine Shortie – Flicker CC
Lately, there are so many changes happening, and with those changes, goodbyes.
The changes are occurring on my job and where I live. I’m having to say goodbye to people I have known for a long while.
I’m not good with changes or goodbyes.
In the days ahead, I’m going to have to say goodbye to a number of people I care about, from co-workers to neighbors.
No, I’m not going anywhere, they are. I’m happy for them, but sad for me.
Change always unsettles me, it challenges my stability. It makes me feel insecure. Especially when I am unaware of what’s to come, the unknown.
There are times when we are forced to say goodbye to people we care about, whether it is for our own mental/emotional health or the inevitable, death.
Those final goodbyes are the hardest.
*****
2013 has been riddled with change and goodbyes. I’m trying hard to cope, but deep down, I am preoccupied with it all and what’s to come.
I realize we have no control over what the future holds, we only have today, the moment. But in times like this, I seem to allow the moment to be robbed by worry and anxiety.
I know this is something I personally struggle with.
When something is good, I don’t want it to change. I want it to stay the same forever.
There are some that say change is good. I wish I had that perspective. I would get up every morning embracing the day without fear or reservation.
Unfortunately, that’s not how I get up every day. I get up to a torrent of worry. This is my reality, my personal nightmare. With so much change and upheavel, it’s really challenging me in ways I didn’t think possible.
Perhaps in the end, it will all be for the best. Hopefully this upheaval of change will stretch my character and hopefully, my faith. Only time will tell.
How do you handle changes or saying goodbye? Is this something you struggle with too?
Guest Post: The Power Of Prayer by Marcela De Vivo
Image Courtesy of Pixabay
Nothing can really compare to the excitement and happiness one feels when they first find out that they’re pregnant with their first child. I must have been the happiest mother-to-be when I was blessed with the news that I was going to have my first son, Nathan, but nothing could have prepared me for the journey ahead. I was devastated when my doctor told me that my son was not developing properly; he had a condition known as holoprosencephaly, in which his forebrain was not dividing to form bilateral cerebral hemispheres.
Because most children with this condition do not usually survive birth, you can imagine how devastated I was; however, despite what the doctors and specialists told me, Nathan did survive, and he is now seven years old and he must be one of the happiest children in the world.
While I’m incredibly grateful—more words can describe—that Nathan is still with me today, his path has been quite rocky, having undergone numerous surgeries and medical treatments to keep him as healthy as possible. During one of his most recent surgeries, he was given the wrong medication and because of it, we almost lost him.
Turning to Prayer
As you can imagine, it was an incredibly difficult experience to see Nathan in a catatonic state, not responding to me at all. What made it even worse was that it seemed the doctors and nurses surrounding Nathan weren’t paying any attention to him at all either, since nothing they had done so far had helped.
Not knowing what to do for my son while sitting in a hospital room, I turned to prayer and asked everyone in my online community to pray for Nathan’s recovery. While most do not rely on Facebook as the optimal prayer forum, I felt completely powerless and didn’t know how I could help Nathan in any other way; I reached out to friends, family and even strangers for support.
What was really surprising was that in just a matter of minutes after posting my prayer, the doctors and nurses who had previously been doing what seemed like nothing, were back to work, and at what seemed like a feverish pace. All of a sudden, all of the people that should have been working to find a solution for Nathan were doing exactly that.
Nathan’s Recovery
Right after I posted my wish for people to pray for Nathan, doctors started running blood tests and actively tried to figure out a solution to how to get Nathan back to health. At first, I didn’t necessarily relate it to the Facebook post I made just moments before.
However, when I think back on it now, I see that the power of prayer – simply asking people to pray for my son – made a huge difference in his recovery. Within what seemed like minutes, Nathan was awake and responding to stimulus in a way that surprised even the doctors and nurses (who I’m sure have been in similar situations before).
How my son was given the wrong medication at a major hospital isn’t necessarily the important part of my story here – it’s how quickly Nathan recovered just moments after I simply asked for others to pray for my son’s well-being.
For many people, the power of prayer can be difficult to understand– even many of us who do pray on a regular basis. Most of the time, our prayers aren’t answered in such an immediate way.
While I do believe the doctors did everything they could to help Nathan, I think it was the prayers that ultimately motivated them to work – that made them become a force to help Nathan.
I know Nathan is a lucky child, and I know he’s relatively strong, but I really believe prayer is what saved him in this case. For me, this incident really was proof of the power of prayer.
Have you ever experienced a miracle such as this as a result of the power of prayer? Please share with me your experiences and continue to follow my journey by following www.PrayForNathan.org.
Marcela De Vivo is a freelance writer and proud mother. Her journey with her son has taught her life lessons that she would never trade for anything else in the world, and through the power of prayer, he continues to thrive and love life.
When You’ve Lost Your Groove
I swore up and down, I would blog more often when I committed to Jon Acuff’s Start Experiment. I took on the challenge and then lost my groove.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
Ugh! I hate when that happens, don’t you? You tell yourself you are going to do this or that, and then your enthusiasm dwindles down to nothing.
I can tell you what happened to me.
It’s called the perils of self-editing by thinking too much of you.
Yes, let me explain.
I would start by writing a blog post and then tell myself, oh no, my audience isn’t going to like this at all. Scratch that.
The next day, the same thing happens.
I convinced myself that the content wasn’t any good. What kind of person would I be if I allowed you to read something painstakingly awful?
I’m sorry, I couldn’t do that to you.
So… one day turned into two days, a week into two weeks and you get the picture.
No writing. No nada. Zilch.
Today I’m writing because like Stella, I want to get my groove back. Except in this case, it’s my writing groove.
So if this is awful, I’m sorry, but like Jeff Goins says, I have to practice [and fail] in front of an audience.
******
This concept reminds me of when I was in professional acting school.
We had to practice and rehearse our scenes in front of a live audience.
It was torture.
Every day we would get up in front of everyone and practice whatever assignment was given by the instructor.
I remember one acting teacher in particular who would stare at me with her big, laser beam eyes. As if her eyes were piercing into my soul. I felt exposed and naked. It made me nervous.
She scared me. But as painful as the process was, I learned the most from this teacher.
I learned that by risking and getting critiqued, I was growing in my craft. I despised the process, but my art wound up better for it.
The same applies to writing. We have to take the risk and put ourselves out there. This is the only way we’ll learn and grow as writers. There is no other way.
Have you lost your groove? If so, what do you do to get your groove back?
Why I Auditioned For The Voice
There was thousands ahead of me…
And thousands behind me…
I became friends with the dude in the light blue shirt. His name is Skyler Kite. His mother rescued me from the ravages of heat. She saved my spot on line, so that I can go in the shade to cool off. What an angel. This is where I met her son, Skyler, he was hiding from the sun too.
Little did I know that he and another young lady would be accompanying me through the maze of long lines. We wound up laughing a lot and having a good time. It reminded me of my acting days.
There is a camaraderie in the arts. When I was in acting school, the other students and I became close. We had a lot in common and shared the same dreams and aspirations.
But let me get to the reason why I decided to audition for The Voice.
Last Wednesday, I never made it home after work. At Port Authority, I began seeing flashing lights in both my eyes which came out of nowhere. I was unable to see and it made me very nervous. I wound up being taken in an ambulance to the hospital. They ran all sorts of tests and found nothing.
They released me on the grounds that I would see my neurologist within two days. I went the following day and gave a ton of blood. I still do not have answers, but he thinks it may be migraines. I do suffer from migraines, but he tells me the flashing lights in the eyes is a precursor to a stroke. Great.
Hearing that kind of thing woke me up and made me see my own mortality. Which is why I decided to go out on a limb and audition for The Voice. It was mostly an exercise to face my fear.
If truth be told, I was never comfortable performing or singing in front of people.
I love music. It is a passion of mine besides books. My escape is music and books. So early on, I decided I wanted to be an actress and singer. I also frequented dance clubs (yes, underage). I loved to express myself dancing (still do). But once I got into the professional aspect of acting and singing, it was no longer fun. It became cut throat and competitive.
I’m not a competitive person. Never was and never will be. Which is why I was talking to everyone freely at The Voice audition. I was genuinely excited for everyone there and wanted them to do their best. I have a passion to encourage the youth to pursue their dreams.
I have to say, all The Voice staff were cool. I have never seen such friendly and approachable people at an audition in my life. I give The Voice a big kudos for hiring the nicest and friendliest people. This helps makes the experience unique and a positive one.
By the time we reached the final stretch, we were put into groups of 10. We waited against a wall to enter a room with the judge. We each sang our selection and when we were done, the judge selected a 15 year old who sounded a bit like Alicia Keys. I was happy for her, she is just starting out her singing career and that’s an incredible way to begin. I spoke to her prior to her audition and she said this was her first time auditioning for this kind of venue. I told her it was mine as well.
All in all, it was a great experience. I faced my fear, I auditioned well, met some amazing people and had a good time. I couldn’t ask for more.
Have you ever auditioned for The Voice or something similar? If so, how was your experience?
Five Things I Wouldn’t Do If I Was Twenty Again
I have this thing with age. This hang-up with the reality that I am pushing fifty and my life really didn’t amount to much.
Courtesy of Creative Commons – Matt Bilton
I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the life God has blessed me with.
What I am saying is I pretty much wasted precious years of my life on stuff that really didn’t matter.
Here are five things I wouldn’t do if I was twenty again:
1) I wouldn’t have wasted my time with boyfriends.
Since I was a teenager, I was boy crazy. I always needed to have a guy by my side. Even if they were absolute jerks and yes, I’m being kind.
2) I wouldn’t have allowed fear, insecurity or other people from stopping me in pursuing my dream.
My father grew up in poverty, so he basically brainwashed me into having a job and earning money.
I remember when I was in professional acting school and pursuing my dream as an actress and singer, my father told me to stop playing and get a real job. He said acting and singing weren’t going to pay the bills.
So, instead of pursuing my dream, I stopped and got a part time job as a receptionist in corporate America.
3) I wouldn’t have lived someone else’s dream.
My father’s dream was for me to take over his restaurant. Well, that’s what he said, but that’s not what he meant. He would use “taking over his business” as leverage to manipulate me. He had no interest in giving up his little kingdom for my sake.
4) I wouldn’t have dropped out of college.
One of my biggest regrets ever.
Instead of focusing on finishing college, I dropped out and eloped with my ex-husband at the age of nineteen.
Ladies, no guy is worth giving up a college education and basically, your future.
5) I wouldn’t have been concerned about what people thought of me.
Unfortunately, this is something I still struggle with today. I wish I could say I’m at a better place. But I’m not.
I do see the futility in obsessing over what people say or think about me. I mean, why does someone else’s opinion of me have to matter so much? I don’t know. But, it’s completely annoying. I really don’t want to care about what other people say or think of me.
This was an obstacle in my earlier years and continues to be today.
I think about what I would do differently if I wasn’t so concerned about what other people thought of me.
I probably would take more risks.
I would try new things and do what I believed in, even at the risk of what others thought about it.
When you live a life focused on what other people think of you, you’re not really living.
You are trapped in a prison of people’s opinions. You forfeit who you are and your one short life on what other people think or say. What a robbery.
It’s not worth it.
Do you struggle with any of these five things? If so, which one?
Does Anyone Else Want To Overcome Fear?
I don’t know what I was thinking when I accepted Jon Acuff’s Start challenge a couple of weeks ago. Perhaps I was delusional.
He invited over 2,000 people to participate and over 200 accepted. I was one of them.
Each morning I get an inspirational email from Jon Acuff. I start my day off on the right foot, only to wind up with fear… in my face.
Courtesy of PATRICK BOEHNER – Creative Commons
Fear is relentless.
It tells me I’m no good. It tells me I am not a writer. It tells me to give up.
Jon Acuff tells me to punch fear in the face.
So, fear and I start going at it first thing in the morning. I wind up losing time and time again.
Fear harasses me when I wake up then bullies me all day long.
Forget about when I want to write… fear hurls its ugly insults at me.
Fear is a bully.
Friends, I can’t seem to beat fear. I keep trying to confront this bully, but fear keeps winning every time.
I’m inflated one moment then deflated the next.
I honestly wish I can overcome fear and win for once, instead of allowing it to overpower my life.
Ironically, the minute I committed to the Start challenge, my whole world turned upside down.
I don’t want to bore you with the details, but when I tell you this year has been full of changes, it’s an understatement.
They say change is good, but too many changes at one time is not. At least, not for me.
Fear is a torment, it stops my dreams and prevents me from doing anything worthwhile in my life.
Does anyone else want to overcome fear besides me?
Wrestling With The In-Between
I am reading this book which is really provoking me. I’m sure you all heard me speak of Jeff Goins. Well, I am reading an advanced copy of his new book called, The In-Between, which is coming out on August 1st.
I just started reading it and can’t put it down. I absolutely love the way Jeff Goins writes. He is never boring. He also exudes wisdom in his writing. He’s an old soul. I also find myself relating to much of what he writes. I’m not going to give it all away because I want you to read and experience it for yourself. I will also be posting a review when I am done.
He is really making me think. The kind of deep, looking at yourself kind of thinking. I find myself stopping, remembering, and making connections in my own life. This is the reason why I follow his blog because not only is it good writing, but he really makes you think and gives you meat to chew on. I aspire to write like him.
I know, I know, I am not really comparing myself to him although I can’t help but admit I truly wish I can write like he does. But then, I wouldn’t be myself, right?
I go through a liturgy within myself of all the reasons why no one would like my writing. Why would anyone bother reading what I write? There are people like Jeff Goins, Chris Brogan, Seth Godin, Steven Pressfield, and Andi Cumbo. I mean, who in the world wants to read what I have to say?
Which is why I totally feel dejected and rejected when someone unfollows or unfriends me. I get repulsed with myself in the sense that I’m being totally self-absorbed and pathetic.
Why do I want to matter so much? Why do I want everyone in the world to like and accept me? What is this thing inside of me that wants me to be like everyone else instead of being myself, being happy with myself and that being good enough?
I mean, for goodness sake, I’m going to be 47 years old. You would think I would grow up already and display some sort of maturity here? I feel like I’m still stuck in high school, trying to be accepted by my peers. To be in the “in” group and part of the cool clique. I believe this may even be called narcissism.
I wrestle within myself; one part of me says, Who cares what people think about you, your writing, or what you have to say? The next minute I’m licking my wounds from someone unfollowing me because they didn’t like what I had to say.
Jeff Goins says, You don’t write for other people; you write for yourself. You don’t write for accolades; you write because you have to. You see? He’s so smart.
In his book, The In-Between, he discusses writing as a calling. I’m trying to figure out if writing is my calling or not. With so many talented writers out there, where do I fit in?
I don’t have the answer, but despite the resistance to write and publish, I will continue… as hard as it is for me… I will try to be brave and courageous as those I mentioned above and not give up.
What about you? Do you go through this as a writer? How do you battle the resistance and the incessant negative voices?
I Don’t Believe In Bikinis
Courtesy of Creative Commons
Yesterday I read a blog post that I had a strong reaction to. I absolutely love this writer who is a dear friend of mine. A friend in whom I disagree on matters, but nevertheless, love and respect.
I didn’t write a comment on her blog, as my comment turned into several paragraphs. So I wrote to her privately and expressed my inner most thoughts.
One of the things, that surprised me even after I wrote it, is this:
I’m coming up against that a lot lately… people are unfriending me because I am not as open to everything as they are as a Christian. I’m one of *those* Christian’s who doesn’t believe in wearing bikinis to a beach, but wears trunks instead. Why? Because I don’t want the perverted pigs to feast their eyes on my goods, that’s why. I believe my body and those beautiful attributes of who I am physically should not be given freely like pearls to swine, but to my own husband who has committed his heart, mind, soul and life to me.
I read it… then I read it again… and I was like, wow… I wrote that? Yes, I certainly did write it because…
I don’t believe in bikinis.
You must be rolling your eyes by now… Listen, I’m not telling you not to wear bikinis… you can wear whatever you want. All I’m saying is, I’m not going to wear bikinis (or revealing bathing suits) to a beach or pool.
Ok… so, I’m not going to get the most popular vote on this post.
But let me ask you a question? Would you rather I lie to you or tell you the truth?
I’m touching on a topic that most woman will vehemently disagree, even Christian women. I will definitely be described in several negative adjectives.
I’m sorry ladies, but truth is truth, I don’t believe in bikinis.
********
This week I discovered a dear writing colleague of mine whom I still esteem, unfriended me based on a particular post I wrote. I wrote that said post with passion, and realized I would be taking a risk by writing it because I knew I would get some adverse reactions.
But, I decided I needed to write it. It’s what I believe. I have to be true to who I am and tell the truth. It was not my intention to willfully hurt or offend this colleague by any means. However, this colleague felt she needed to cut ties and I respected her decision.
So, for those of you who still want to read my posts, I am making you a promise today, you will always get the truth from me. Perhaps you may not always like it or agree, but I would hope you would do as I do, which is to respectfully agree to disagree.
We are not all going to see eye to eye on matters. We all have our beliefs which we stand by. This is what makes us unique. If we were all the same, it would be a very dull existence, don’t you think?
God didn’t create us to be clones or robots. He created us to have free will, to think and express ourselves differently.
If we disagree, which I disagree with people every day, it’s not the end of the world.
Please accept my apologies if I hurt or offended you with any of my posts. It is never my intention.
At the same token, I do not want to keep silent and compromise who I am, my beliefs or censor my writing because others don’t agree or like it. I don’t think that is right either.
One wise friend and writer told me, always write the truth and that my friends, is what I aim to do.
Which is why I’m letting you all know, I don’t believe in bikinis. 🙂
Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Cha…Cha…Cha…Changes
You know that song from David Bowie? I’m giving away my age now.
Yes, there are many changes happening in my life right now. I don’t know about you, but I don’t embrace change too well.
Courtesy of Creative Commons
They say change is good. I guess some changes are good, but not all changes are good, at least, not for me.
I’m bummed out about one of the people I work with is leaving. We have worked together for four years. Now that we finally understand each other, he’s leaving.
I am happy for him as it’s a great opportunity, but I am sad for me.
Another change is my neighbors below me are moving out at the end of the month. Not only that, my next door neighbors are moving out too. I found this all out in a matter of one week.
I was devastated. I like the guy who is leaving and I like my neighbors who are moving out. Selfishly, I don’t want any of them going anywhere. I just want everything to remain status quo.
But this isn’t life… life is full of changes, some good and some not so good. I’m praying I’m assigned to someone kind and fair. I also pray my new neighbors are nice and considerate.
In a matter of weeks, things will be different. I am hoping it won’t be for the worst. I always seem to anticipate the worst though. Thank God I’m married to an optimist.
You know what I thought was nice about the guy who is leaving. He apologized to me. He said he was sorry he wasn’t nice or kind to me in the beginning. He said he misunderstood me. He thanked me for being patient with him (I don’t know if my husband would agree that I’m patient).
I was touched by him saying this. He didn’t have to.
It’s nice when people actually *get* me and where I’m coming from. I’ve been misunderstood far too many times in my life (but that’s for another post).
I will miss him and my neighbors greatly.
How do you handle changes in your life? Good? Bad? Please share in the comment section below.
No… I’m Not Stupid.
My morning began with commenting on my friend’s Facebook thread. The thread had to do with yesterday’s Supreme Court ruling.
Courtesy of tomharveytraining.com
As most of you know, I’m a Christian. The word Christian connotates a variety of definitions nowadays.
What I mean by Christian, is that I believe in the inerrant, infallible Word of God and I try to live it out to the best of my ability, which is flawed and imperfect. However, this does not take away from my sincerity of faith and willingness to learn and grow in Christ.
There were those on the thread who opposed what I believe. I was well aware in stating my beliefs that I was the minority. However, I respectfully wrote my stance and then was indirectly accused of being a coward, wasting my brains, intellectually lazy and basically, stupid for lack of a better word.
This person did not display an ounce of respect, kindness or tolerance toward me or my beliefs. They just condemned Christians as being unloving, biased and narrow minded.
However, this same person couldn’t see that what they were doing was precisely what they were accusing Christians of.
This person showed absolutely no tolerance for my beliefs, but accused me or people like me, of having no tolerance for others. Meanwhile, this person doesn’t know me to make such an outlandish accusation. This person was basing their opinion on their own limited experience.
This person falsely judged me. They don’t know me, they don’t know my history, education, background or life experiences. They simply threw me into the same batch as everyone else they’ve encountered.
There were a number of things I would have liked to have said to this person. But I held my peace. I knew debating with them wasn’t going to get me anywhere. They were determined to be right. They prided themselves on their intellectual and academic prowess. As if they’re above it all, having all the answers and condescendingly looking down at Christians, like me, as a pathetic, stupid and lazy.
As I’m getting older and maturing, I realize that trying to prove I’m right is futile and a waste of time. Winning a debate or argument all stems from pride and high-minded arrogance.
Jesus didn’t argue or try to be right. He kept silent most times. He demonstrated His love in actions. He was humble.
God gives grace to the humble. He wants us to be humble; not prideful, arrogant or argumentative.
I want to demonstrate love toward those who are vehemently against me and Christians, instead of trying to be right or having the last word.
Trust me, it wasn’t easy for me to keep silent. It’s not in my character or make-up to do so, especially when I’m being provoked or disrespected.
But I’m glad I listened to the Lord and didn’t feed into it, because now I have a peace that passes all understanding. I pray this person experiences the same one day.
What about you? Have you been persecuted, condemned or disrespected because of your faith? How did you handle it? Did you respond or keep silent? Please share in the comment section below.
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